I can feel a moment of grace, of centeredness, of ease of being slipping away as the energy of Homecoming--but more generally, the energy of inspiration--fades into the balance of the human life. The soul has its seasons, I suppose.
The challenge right now is not to continue maintaining the connection; at this point I feel I have no other choice but to do this. Going back to full immersion in the real world just won't cut it anymore. The actual work is to keep the faith and hope that undergirds it, to maintain the authenticity of the connection as something of true value. That sense of significance within seems more important than the intensity or wholeness of the connection itself. I'd rather the connection be faint and genuine than clear and suspect.
How does one accomplish this in such an overwhelming, magnetic phenomenal world that knows exactly how to drag you back into illusion? The noumenal, hyper-subjective seems so useless, and it defies the ability to express. You cannot look for it in any other guise but the hidden carrier wave of the locked eyes, as those of Ra say. Verily this is the candle in the dark room experience, which can at least be recognized, even if it lacks total satisfaction.
I think meditation is the key. In meditation the inner subjectivity is apprehended and allowed to be. One sees that emotions exist, thoughts exist, blockages exist, being exists. The interior landscape rises into view. To be wet when it rains, warmed when the sun shines, and touched when fog parts is also to be chilled when the storm hits, parched when the drought deepens, and alone when the night falls. As a native American once said when he was asked whether he was cold in the winter with such minimal clothing, "Yes; but I'm alive".
I wish to be alive, no matter what that means, and that's a choice I make moment by moment, day by day, as the gravity well of the world oscilates around me.