(07-09-2010, 12:47 PM)Light seeker Wrote: Dears,

Recently I’ve made a hard work of introspection and I could say that I’ve entered the hall of mirrors. I saw the multiple facets of myself. I didn’t like what I saw. I’m deeply ashamed. Now I realize that I’ve been guiding my acts from the self during all these years. I’ve been serving the self much more than I thought. I feel I failed to realize my real purpose. How I arrived to that point of unawareness and egotism (even when I thought I was doing the right thing) is something I simply can’t understand.

At the moment I feel totally knocked down, unable to react. I know I’ll have to heal this but right now I feel helpless and at a loss.

It’s not that I seek your words of solace (although anything you say is welcome). Your very presence is my support. I just needed to share this with you, my brothers.

Thanks for being there and for making the world a better place.

L/L

Quote:Because everyone has a dark side. And within your third density it is easy for you to put that dark side in the shadows of self and not acknowledge it. It is difficult for an entity who wishes to be truly of service to acknowledge that shadow side that is the murderer, the rapist, the liar, the coveter, and so forth. Yet, if all is one, are you not all things? Indeed, all of us contain the three hundred and sixty degrees of various kinds of energy that make up the awareness that is the whole of you.

And one of those tremendously difficult jobs for anyone is to go into the shadows and bring out that shadow side to look at, to acknowledge, to come to understand, and to ask if it will join you, if it will cease being part of the dark side and become your grit and your determination and your perseverance.

That is the true function of the so-called dark side. And you can realize all of yourself if you can acknowledge the dark side in the first place. The desire of many is simply to deny that there is anything in the consciousness except love and light and positivity. Yet, there is a whole other side of self to be collected, respected and honored and used.

And this process is becoming more and more difficult because whereas before the end of the age was so prominently close it was quite easy to ignore the dark side of self, in these latter days of third density, when an entity desires to become a truly realized and focused spiritual seeker, he must go collect those shadow bits that he has not acknowledged. And this is difficult now, where it used to be easier, because of the constant barrage of vibrations of truth, so that all of those things at which you least wanted to look are now popping up quite prominently and saying, “Look at me. Acknowledge me. Let me tell my story and please learn to balance me in and make me part of who you are, for we truly belong, we shadow elements of the equation of one.”

Therefore, we encourage each of you to take courage and look in that mirror as it comes to you, for all that are related to you by friendship or working relationship or family, all entities that are in your life, are mirroring you to yourself. When you see those things that you like, then you are happy to see those mirrors. Yet some will come to you and mirror those things you do not wish to see. My friends, embrace those things you do not wish to see, not in judgment but with a genuine and whole-hearted desire to integrate that into yourself.

To find it in the first place is very difficult. When one has mirrored something that is distasteful to one, one wishes simply to put it to one side. And yet we encourage you to allow it to come close, to embrace it, and listen to the story it has to tell. Find that energy within yourself. Not that you would murder anyone, but say you gaze at murder; find the murderer within yourself. Go after that murderer and ask it to join you, or to rejoin you. It is as if you are trying to bring all the members of yourself together so that you may be completely integrated as a unit and have no internal divisions where you do not wish to look.

In that way, when you enter your own open heart, you have no strife within yourself, saying, “I am a terrible wretch; I don’t deserve to be here.” Or saying, “No, I am very, very good, I am not wretched.” You can let all of that judgment go and bring your whole self into that open heart where the Creator is waiting for you with unconditional love.

Quote:Unity, when it is absolute, is without awareness. Each of you is a portion of that unborn and undying awareness, that heart of all creation that is the one original Thought. Within that thought of infinite love there lies no shadow. However, we as well as you walk the path of duality and exist within a series of physical vehicles, enjoying the experience of living within various densities and conditions of body, mind, emotion and spirit. In all of these densities of unimaginable variety lies duality.

Thusly, it is well to remember that the light side and the dark side of your self alike are portions of that shell of manifestation which represents the totality of your self. The learning, the experiencing, the growing that is done within incarnations throughout the densities is a growth hemmed in on every side by limitation. Within this world of finity the light and dark create a tremendous dynamic. Within this dynamic rest all of those who sleep; that is, all of those who are within incarnation yet who are not yet aware of themselves [as] consciousness experiencing itself. Those who are spiritually unawakened rest in the center of that dynamic betwixt light and dark.

To the sleeper who has awakened this dynamic is useful and very fruitful, for in striving to accentuate and increase the rate of learning or evolution in a spiritual sense the polarity of intended action can carry a very strong message to the deeper mind and the more difficult it is to find a positive polarity, that is, the more the dark side of the self is engaged in working through catalyst, the greater the opportunity to polarize positively the seeker has.

Thusly, when things seem the darkest, when the self sees the self as that darker side, this situation in itself is a gift and the way to open that gift is simply to accept and absorb that awareness of the self’s darker side while allowing the heart to remain open. When that open heart approaches the darker side of self its gift is to be able to know the light while gazing into darkness. Thusly, in the spiritual or metaphysical sense there is no such thing as a disaster or a catastrophe. An old hymn this instrument knows is, “The Body They May Kill, His Love Endureth Still.”

This instrument is aware of that which the one known as Don called the “180 degree rule.” We find this phrase pleasant to use, for it is succinct and accurate. One’s relation to one’s dark side should be one of gratitude and love, for the dark side is that which strengthens and enables the light side. Each experience of the darker side of self is that which burns away pride and what this instrument would call egotism. It is well when one sees that side of self which has those vices and sins, if you will, in abundance not to turn away but rather to embrace, to love, to accept, and to forgive that part of the self for being.

Quote:The relationship of the self to the self, how to learn to cherish this self so that one may fully cherish all selves—that is the gift of your incarnation. Can you begin to see, then, that the distortion that leads to not cherishing the self is part of the gift and not a barrier in the way of learning of this love? If there were not that arising of sensing the self as imperfect, of the arising of low self-esteem and all those many emotions that lead to less than treasuring of the self, with what would you practice? What if this self always appeared to be perfect? Somewhere on this journey of yours, you are bound to meet that which does not appear to be perfect. Without this practice, you would judge it and have strong aversion to it. All that which you judge within yourself is the gift for practicing non-judgment and unconditional love.

As humans, you work so strongly with habit and your habit says, “Judge! Get rid of!” You are so immersed in that pattern. First, you begin to see the pattern, to bring mindfulness to bear on the arising of judgment. What is this low self-esteem? You might ask yourself in a situation in which low self-esteem is present, “What if I really liked myself here despite whatever heavy emotions are arising in me? What if I really treasured myself?” When you ask that question, you may begin to see the ways that low self-esteem becomes an escape.

Unconditional love is very difficult. The human feels hurt and wants to fight back, feels betrayed and wants revenge. The human sometimes does not feel ready to be as responsible as some judgmental inner voice suggests that it should be. You have habitually used this pattern of moving into dislike of the self as an escape from the direct experience of the heavy emotions and the need to be responsible for them with kindness. It is uncomfortable not to like the self, but it perhaps is even more uncomfortable to recognize the true divinity of your nature and that you are capable of unconditional love. Here is the child pouting, “I want to get even!” The child wants to get in that one good kick. The child that is loved despite its pain and anger is far less likely to need to kick. When unworthiness arises, ask yourself, “If I were not feeling unworthiness, what might I be feeling?” What heavy emotions which are so terribly discomforting does the unworthiness mask? Can you see how much ego there is in unworthiness?

Quote:How do you begin to forgive yourselves? You cannot learn to cherish yourself until you forgive yourself for being less than perfect in this human form. You are not cherishing the perfect, but the human.

There are many practices one might use. As Q’uo suggested, prayer is very powerful. Ask for help. When you feel yourself condemning yourself, give that to the Divine and ask for help with it. “Lord, this human is fallible. I have hurt others and myself, and now I’m filled with condemnation of myself for that hurting. Help me find forgiveness and compassion for this imperfect human that I am.”

Please notice that there is a difference between the sense of unworthiness itself and the relationship to it. When you experience unworthiness, you may then watch the arising of aversion to it and attend first to that aversion, asking yourself, “Can I just be present with the unworthiness and watch it? Can I be present with any emotions, voices, fears, memories within me which prompted the arising of unworthiness? Can I let the whole thing be and just watch it?” This gentleness brings in light and space. The heart opens. There may still be the remnants of the anger, jealousy or greed that prompted the unworthiness. There may still be an aversion to all of that, the unworthiness and the emotion, because they are uncomfortable. But they are attended to skillfully.

This is where Q’uo’s image of bringing the heart center into the lower chakras may be seen. There is no force here, just a willingness to be present with all of the confusion without judgment, letting it all float. Then the unworthiness does not solidify, a self does not solidify to combat the unworthiness. Instead there is a gentle love offered to the self that is experiencing so much pain, including unworthiness. It allows a shift in perspective to this angel aspect of the self which is perfect and which you know is worthy. Within that shift, you begin to find wholeness. There is nothing left that needs to be gotten rid of. Just letting it be, allowing it to be present or to dissolve at its own speed while it is offered love.

What you will find is that your increasing ability to offer love begins a new pattern, a far more skillful pattern whereby, as I suggested yesterday with the arising of fear, the arising of unworthiness becomes a catalyst, not for the offering of more disdain to the self but a catalyst for compassion. This reconnects the lower chakra centers to the heart center. It reconnects the spirit body to the physical and emotional bodies, and you come back into wholeness and into balance. It is here where even a sense of unworthiness becomes seen as a valuable gift for your learning, and you embrace it rather than wage a war with it.

Quote:You see, to the Creator you are never guilty; you are never unaccepted. To the Creator, you are always in a paradise, but each of you is in an illusion which decries the apparent inaccuracy of our previous statement, and it is only by faith that you may securely feel that love, that acceptance, that forgiveness, and that support. It is only by faith that you may continue standing when you feel that life has cut you off at the knees. It is only by faith that you can stay alive when you feel that your life is not worth the living. Feelings of despair are normal portions of the experience of humankind in third density. There is no negative feeling, passive or active, of which you are not fully capable, given the appropriate circumstances.

It is vitally important that you are able to see that, scattered as you may be in this illusion, there is within you a center, a core that is the very treasure of all that there is. Within you is a spark of love that, whether you wish it or not, unifies you, not within the illusion, for there you must struggle to learn, but within that underlying reality of your spiritual self.

Let us gaze one last time at the struggle of the self with self. Which portions of yourself do you not like? You may write these things down about yourself, or you may trick your conscious mind by attempting to write down those things which you like and dislike about an entity whom you truly, seriously, have arguments with, or dislike. When you write down those things which you are willing to give to that entity of goodness, and when you write down that entity’s faults with which you are so in a struggle, you will discover that you have written about yourself. This is a useful exercise for learning how each entity within the illusion of third density distorts the Love and the light that moves through the universe in a way unique to itself.

In hopes that you may truly love yourselves and one another with confidence and faith, we leave you in the kingdom of eternity into which this basic attitude delivers you. We thank you for the beauty of your vibrations and for the peace of your seeking. In its persistence and depth there is a beauty not often seen among your people, and we are humble before third-density pilgrims such as you who struggle and weep and survive to hope and have faith and love tomorrow. Move that tomorrow, my friends, into the present moment, and never let it go, and you shall be one, and all shall be well. And when you cannot do this, forgive yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself, for these are the tools with which you learn to love all that there is.

Quote:It is your challenge to find ways to open the heart to the present moment and the love therein. You shall fail according to your cruel judgment, again and again. We ask you to know deeply and surely that each mistake, each error, each missed opportunity, is a gift to the infinite One just as much as each moment when you judge yourselves to be, as this instrument would say, “on the beam/in the groove.” Clumsy or graceful, awkward or flowing, your spirit is utterly beloved.

Quote:There was never anything to forgive, but from the human perspective you have practiced forgiveness. And that practice expands you out of the small ego self and into the heart we all share, into that place where there is no individuated self taken as real, but only the illusion of individuated self, as you are learning, too. Thus, you practice forgiveness not so much to forgive, although that is the idea within the relative mind, but to stretch the heart, to move out of your illusions of separation.

I would speak also to the strength to your aspiring. There is such pain in many of your hearts because you see this brilliant light of the Divine and you see the shadow in the self and feel, “I can never be worthy of that.” You then wish so badly to be rid of the shadow. This is a piece of every seeker’s path, that dark night of the soul. But when you pass through the dark night, you begin to see the truth of what Q’uo just said—that the shadows are seen only because of the inherent luminousness of your being. The brighter you shine, the starker are the shadows. Just let the light shine. Be the light and give kindness instead of contempt to this being who has agreed to also carry shadow.

Quote:There is no such thing as a mistake, because the results of that mistake will inevitably true themselves through time, bringing you onto the path you chose before incarnation by a series of serendipitous turns and twists. Consequently, you can rest from a concern that you can get off the track in a final or permanent way. The track goes with you and a homing sense within you shall steer you in whatever vector is necessary back toward your true and fundamental desire.

Consequently, we would encourage those who seek to become ever more full of light and more transparent to the will of the infinite One; to examine with love and not with judgment those moments of temptation, those time of listening to the insidious voice that would distract you and use up the energy of the day in doing those things which, upon thought, you may not prefer to do.

As you become more mature, spiritually speaking, and more seasoned, you shall feel again and again that you have done nothing but take a step back. But this, my friends, is due to the fact that as you stand closer to the light you see every blemish, every chink in the armor of light that lies within yourself. And that too is a great temptation. It is a temptation to move away from spontaneity and being present in the moment, to turn to self-judgment and self-recrimination because you see these self-perceived imperfections. And yet, this too is the shadow side of self, that insidious voice that takes you away from the straight path of being transparent to the light and open to the moment, so that you may cooperate with whatever is occurring, whether it would seem to be a positive experience or a negative one.

Quote:That core being the establishment of a truly peaceful and non-judgmental attitude with regard to the self in all of its human vagaries. We have encouraged you to have mercy on yourselves and to allow healing, to touch the jagged edges of the wounds that the self’s reaction to catalyst have caused. But how to do that? We are not speaking of releasing the self from the processes of self-determined ethics. We do not discourage the seeker from creating personal standards or from attempting with a whole heart to fulfill and honor these ethical commitments; but rather, our concern is that the sense of self not be diminished in the self’s regard by the straying from the subjective structure of perceived righteousness or justice.

This work is important to the emerging metaphysical being. To enter into these processes with healing is for many difficult due to the self’s disappointment with itself. We might suggest as a tool to be used in moments of self-judgment, the visualizing of a scene upon the stage of consciousness in which the Creator’s hand is downstretched, open, palm upward—that hand being as tall as you, you being just able to reach into the palm to give to this outstretched hand of love the gifts of your humanity; for we assure you that the Creator finds these gifts precious. Here is the thing not done. Here is the thing done in error, omissions and commissions that you perceive as erroneous. Give them up. One by one let them tumble into that palm, one upon the other. Here, envy and pride … all the sorry gifts of the undisciplined self.

Now look upon these bits of colored stone that are the form of these metaphysical gifts. To you, when you gave them, they were gray, ugly, broken pieces of self, fit only for the trash. Look now and see the beautiful colors of these shards of a life broken as they gleam and shine—blessed, accepted, and transfigured by the love of the infinite One. These are gifts indeed.

Quote:In an infinite Creator there is only unity. You have seen simple examples of unity. You have seen the prism which shows all colors stemming from the sunlight. This is a simplistic example of unity. In truth there is no right or wrong.

Quote:At some stage you must move on and place your focus on your bright future, and leave your sorrow and grief behind you.