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+--- Thread: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? (/showthread.php?tid=16759)
Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - EvolvingPhoenix - 12-22-2018
Hey guys, I'm wondering if anybody has any advice for how to attract more intimacy into my life? I feel intimacy is lacking and I'm looking to create more close, intimate relationships. Lately, time spent with friends and family is the most important thing to me, but I feel there's a certain intimacy missing that I used to have in my life. I would greatly like to have that intimacy again, so I'm asking if anybody has any tips for how to attract that intimacy into my life?
Any advice on manifestation or practical advice or anything? Anything that would be useful for getting intimacy back into my life.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - ada - 12-22-2018
Uhh, I've something silly I might suggest, it worked for me when I was a kid.. Try praying and asking for it to happen?
Maybe go to a bar alone and have a few beers, maybe you'll meet someone? Maybe you'll have the courage to try. Nothing will change if you do and fail, or get rejected or laughed at.
Honestly, I'd really want to try it myself, get out of this fearful social shell and just approach people at the street or bar.
Maybe try and learn a bit about how to approach others? I heard you can practice it, and if you're willing to keep trying even if you fail you are sure to succeed.
Wish you luck friend.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - EvolvingPhoenix - 12-22-2018
(12-22-2018, 03:26 PM)blossom Wrote: Uhh, I've something silly I might suggest, it worked for me when I was a kid.. Try praying and asking for it to happen?
Maybe go to a bar alone and have a few beers, maybe you'll meet someone? Maybe you'll have the courage to try. Nothing will change if you do and fail, or get rejected or laughed at.
Honestly, I'd really want to try it myself, get out of this fearful social shell and just approach people at the street or bar.
Maybe try and learn a bit about how to approach others? I heard you can practice it, and if you're willing to keep trying even if you fail you are sure to succeed.
Wish you luck friend.
I dunno about going to a bar alone, but yeah, I will pray for it every day. Thanks.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - ada - 12-22-2018
Gotta be daring! I imagine it can be fun and life changing.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Glow - 12-22-2018
(12-22-2018, 03:10 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: Hey guys, I'm wondering if anybody has any advice for how to attract more intimacy into my life? I feel intimacy is lacking and I'm looking to create more close, intimate relationships. Lately, time spent with friends and family is the most important thing to me, but I feel there's a certain intimacy missing that I used to have in my life. I would greatly like to have that intimacy again, so I'm asking if anybody has any tips for how to attract that intimacy into my life?
Any advice on manifestation or practical advice or anything? Anything that would be useful for getting intimacy back into my life.
Ok by intimacy do you mean in general as in vulnerability, sharing, communion or do you mean in a nonplatonic way?
For general initmacy I find being open and vulnerable often draws the same out of others. Also asking questions that reveal something about another’s deeper being often do you same. Like questions about a person’s first job, first boyfriend/girlfriend , favouite teacher as a kid, one country they want to see before they die, etc what they liked/didn’t about it.
Questions like those seem to help people talk about who they are so you can learn what made them this great being you know.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - EvolvingPhoenix - 12-22-2018
Thanks Glow.
Ill be sure to use those when I can.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - flofrog - 12-23-2018
EP, to all this said above, if you also get really into listening to someone, as really getting into what they are saying, just becoming sincerely interested in them, it’s really key. Things become much more interesting and rich, and you sort of forget about yourself, it’s really cool.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - AnthroHeart - 12-23-2018
(12-23-2018, 01:50 PM)flofrog Wrote: EP, to all this said above, if you also get really into listening to someone, as really getting into what they are saying, just becoming sincerely interested in them, it’s really key. Things become much more interesting and rich, and you sort of forget about yourself, it’s really cool.
Being interested in someone doesn't always work. I was really interested in someone, and they ended up blocking me on Facebook.
Another person blocked me because I complimented them and gave them some advice about their writing.
So I've been blocked twice in social media for being too friendly.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - EvolvingPhoenix - 12-23-2018
(12-23-2018, 05:54 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:(12-23-2018, 01:50 PM)flofrog Wrote: EP, to all this said above, if you also get really into listening to someone, as really getting into what they are saying, just becoming sincerely interested in them, it’s really key. Things become much more interesting and rich, and you sort of forget about yourself, it’s really cool.
Being interested in someone doesn't always work. I was really interested in someone, and they ended up blocking me on Facebook.
Another person blocked me because I complimented them and gave them some advice about their writing.
So I've been blocked twice in social media for being too friendly.
I'm sorry to hear that Indigo, truly. As a rule of thumb though, they're giving good advice. You're a really good guy though Indigo. Thanks for being such a good guy
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Anodyne - 12-24-2018
(12-23-2018, 01:50 PM)flofrog Wrote: EP, to all this said above, if you also get really into listening to someone, as really getting into what they are saying, just becoming sincerely interested in them, it’s really key. Things become much more interesting and rich, and you sort of forget about yourself, it’s really cool.
I wholeheartedly second this perspective. ❤
Listening, really listening, is so very difficult. It takes constant conscious refocusing.
I'm still learning. I feel like a beginner.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Tae - 12-24-2018
(12-23-2018, 05:54 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote: Being interested in someone doesn't always work. I was really interested in someone, and they ended up blocking me on Facebook.I suspect there's more to the story, on both sides. This is distortion at play. For example, "complimented" might mean you called them beautiful, which to you was perceived as a compliment and to them was perceived as sexual harassment due to how they've been treated in the past. While giving advice on their writing may have been intended positively, unsolicited critique is an enormous trigger for some people.
Another person blocked me because I complimented them and gave them some advice about their writing.
So I've been blocked twice in social media for being too friendly.
You have to engage with people on easy mode first. Which sucks when you're a deep mode person. I find it works best to seek consent first for anything that could be in any way upsetting to someone I'm not highly familiar with already. For example, recently a friend of mine who I've known for a couple of years has been working on a story. I have witnessed a reading of the story and then considered it for a while, and came to a conclusion about how I would have continued it. However, I knew that was not the critique she needed for the sake of the story, so I sat on it for a while, and even discussed with someone I trusted more how to turn my initial critique into helpful critique, and then once I had distilled it down to something I thought would provide her with critical insight, asked if she wanted it.
In that situation, this is my advice. Keep on keeping on. There's so many people out there in this world to talk to yet. You can never offend them all and the best way to learn is to practise! Learn from the interaction, accept there are things out of your control when it comes to interacting with others. If you carry the weight of it forever it'll distract you from seeing the awesome new opportunities waiting around each corner. Forgive yourself.
As for the original question I'm afraid I have no wisdom. The closest relationship I have with a non-family member has brewed over 14 years of stubbornly pestering each other almost every day and going to the weird and ugly places and still coming back out.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Cainite - 12-24-2018
I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - flofrog - 12-24-2018
(12-23-2018, 05:54 PM)IndigoGeminiWolf Wrote:(12-23-2018, 01:50 PM)flofrog Wrote: EP, to all this said above, if you also get really into listening to someone, as really getting into what they are saying, just becoming sincerely interested in them, it’s really key. Things become much more interesting and rich, and you sort of forget about yourself, it’s really cool.
Being interested in someone doesn't always work. I was really interested in someone, and they ended up blocking me on Facebook.
Another person blocked me because I complimented them and gave them some advice about their writing.
So I've been blocked twice in social media for being too friendly.
Wolfe, I really am sorry and I apologize because I didn’t express myself well, I was only thinking when meeting someone in person, and not on social media. I agree with you that social media can be very different because you do not see the person and it takes time, it’s a different world. Wolfe you are so lovely, and i am so sorry for the experiments you had...
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Glow - 12-24-2018
(12-24-2018, 11:08 AM)Cainite Wrote: I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-
I personally think another way to phraze the term unapproachable is to say they appear to not need anyone, or welcome attention.
I think that is pretty common for men because there has been so much socialization for hundreds of years for men to be tough and indipendent/unemotional unless it’s anger. I wouldn’t describe you as unapproachable online, I could see you giving off a vibe of not needing people though.
I wouldn’t take that personally it’s part of the collective karma we have to heal yet from centuries of men being expected to suppress their desires for connection unless it’s sexual. I hope that comes across properly.
Historically it was anger men were allowed to express and sex men were allowed to admit they needed. So the repression of men’s deeper self/true has made it so often their soft side is unseen even by men themselves.
What Patrick said on another thread about embracing him feminine side. I don’t know if that’s the solution but I’m sorry you are not feeling embraced. Hope none of that came across wrong this stuff is all hard to word.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - flofrog - 12-24-2018
Cainite, like Glow I find you completely approachable. Online exchanges are difficult because there are so many people, so many different forums, so many interactions where feelings could be interpreted in a wrong way. One has to use caution and time to discern what goes on. And honestly numbers of friends and likes depends on the honesty of each forum, Facebook for example because of such huge numbers is a difficult place to discern, and intuition probably the best judge.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Tae - 12-26-2018
(12-24-2018, 11:08 AM)Cainite Wrote: I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-But you are here, where you can make friends, and you really only need one good one... I met my friend online, from something not dissimilar to forums but slightly more embarrassing...fanfiction.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Cainite - 12-26-2018
(12-26-2018, 01:41 AM)Tae Wrote:(12-24-2018, 11:08 AM)Cainite Wrote: I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-But you are here, where you can make friends, and you really only need one good one... I met my friend online, from something not dissimilar to forums but slightly more embarrassing...fanfiction.
Yeah the members of this forum have been very helpful.. I owe so much thanks to you guys/ladies.
I always expected to get bad reactions here.. but I didn't. instead I often get humbled. (getting emotional now)
Thanks everyone!
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Glow - 12-26-2018
(12-26-2018, 09:40 AM)Cainite Wrote: Yeah the members of this forum have been very helpful.. I owe so much thanks to you guys/ladies.
I always expected to get bad reactions here.. but I didn't. instead I often get humbled. (getting emotional now)
Thanks everyone!
You don't owe us anything. We are friends!
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - ada - 12-26-2018
(12-26-2018, 09:40 AM)Cainite Wrote:(12-26-2018, 01:41 AM)Tae Wrote:(12-24-2018, 11:08 AM)Cainite Wrote: I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-But you are here, where you can make friends, and you really only need one good one... I met my friend online, from something not dissimilar to forums but slightly more embarrassing...fanfiction.
Yeah the members of this forum have been very helpful.. I owe so much thanks to you guys/ladies.
I always expected to get bad reactions here.. but I didn't. instead I often get humbled. (getting emotional now)
Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate when you shared your struggles with us Cainite, appreciate that you let us be a part of your journey. It makes my world to see people climb out of tough times and then shine their light unto others
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - Cainite - 12-26-2018
(12-26-2018, 10:12 AM)blossom Wrote:I feel the same about you and others also honestly sharing your experiences/thoughts/feelings. It's been educating and warm.(12-26-2018, 09:40 AM)Cainite Wrote:(12-26-2018, 01:41 AM)Tae Wrote:(12-24-2018, 11:08 AM)Cainite Wrote: I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-But you are here, where you can make friends, and you really only need one good one... I met my friend online, from something not dissimilar to forums but slightly more embarrassing...fanfiction.
Yeah the members of this forum have been very helpful.. I owe so much thanks to you guys/ladies.
I always expected to get bad reactions here.. but I didn't. instead I often get humbled. (getting emotional now)
Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate when you shared your struggles with us Cainite, appreciate that you let us be a part of your journey. It makes my world to see people climb out of tough times and then shine their light unto others
Don't know about shining light as I'm still struggling..
But it's MUCH better comparing to the past.
These days, there is hope and contentment. even though I wake up feeling betrayed every morning thinking about memories, injustice/discremination, and the help I should have gotten, ... until I take my dose of the medications and become able to accept my fate and forgive once more.
RE: Advice for attracting intimacy into one's life? - ada - 12-26-2018
(12-26-2018, 01:56 PM)Cainite Wrote:(12-26-2018, 10:12 AM)blossom Wrote:I feel the same about you and others also honestly sharing your experiences/thoughts/feelings. It's been educating and warm.(12-26-2018, 09:40 AM)Cainite Wrote:(12-26-2018, 01:41 AM)Tae Wrote:(12-24-2018, 11:08 AM)Cainite Wrote: I've been told I'm unapproachable. people rarely befriend me online either... where everyone seems to be getting a lot more friends/followers, ... including my own empty accounts. -__-But you are here, where you can make friends, and you really only need one good one... I met my friend online, from something not dissimilar to forums but slightly more embarrassing...fanfiction.
Yeah the members of this forum have been very helpful.. I owe so much thanks to you guys/ladies.
I always expected to get bad reactions here.. but I didn't. instead I often get humbled. (getting emotional now)
Thanks everyone!
I really appreciate when you shared your struggles with us Cainite, appreciate that you let us be a part of your journey. It makes my world to see people climb out of tough times and then shine their light unto others
Don't know about shining light as I'm still struggling..
But it's MUCH better comparing to the past.
You already are shining much light.