Meditation - am I blocking myself or being blocked?

[Glow]

This is mildly embarrassing. I quite like meditation. I know it's good for me and while I only started a year ago I fell into it very naturally. First time i tried and every time since I immediately got total silence no thoughts and never struggled with gaining that inner quiet.

I had several very useful visions within the first month without trying and then basically I have since been unable to meditate for more than a few minutes.

I have no ADHD tendencies yet when I sit to meditate I get instant silence like maybe it's almost to easy then after a few minutes I get an out of character surge to go do things be busy like it almost seems like a subconscious aversion to continue. No idea why.

It's been going on a year.
Anyone else experience this? I like quiet and sitting still so this shouldn't be an issue and I want that communication I have had but it's like I stop before it can happen almost like I'm subconsciously doing it on purpose.

Any ideas? am I hiding from messages, afraid their will be none? Or am I being led to not meditate? It's so out of character and consistent I'm wondering what is behind this compusion.

[sjel]

I'm guessing it is a subconscious aversion to "the next step." The first step, finding silence, was easy for you. But there are infinite levels beyond the silence. The silence simply is a prerequisite for attaining the deeper wisdom/love. So I think you are sitting at the doorway of a great and powerful experience, but you aren't yet ready for it.

I haven't yet achieved full silence like you have, so I may be very off here. But this was my instinctual response, so I went ahead with it anyway

[sjel]

Also maybe your challenge is to sustain the silence, rather than simply find it.

[AnthroHeart]

I've had mystical experiences, but I find you can't take your experience at face value. You might experience some "truth" but in reality it's not what it appears.

For instance I had the experience that in 6th density they get fined for littering. But it doesn't make sense.

[Jade]

The first month that was given to you without trying was a gift of "what could be". Now, you have to utilize and develop your will to reach into that experience again. The quiet, still mind with visions is not what most meditations are about, I assure you as someone who has meditated almost every day for three years now. Most meditations involve chatter. The development and use of the will is to sit through and persevere even through the chatter. I also suggest you ignore any thoughts about this being a sign to not meditate - we're all supposed to meditate. Keep at it!!

[Aion]

"Just keep going" is probably typical advice you will hear.

I will offer you an alternate technique. While you are sitting in silence and when you get the urge to do things allow those actions to fill your mind and let yourself play out all of the actions you feel like doing, but only in your mind. Do not use your physical body, but 'do' everything you feel like doing with your mental body.

[Glow]

The first month that was given to you without trying was a gift of "what could be". Now, you have to utilize and develop your will to reach into that experience again. The quiet, still mind with visions is not what most meditations are about, I assure you as someone who has meditated almost every day for three years now. Most meditations involve chatter. The development and use of the will is to sit through and persevere even through the chatter. I also suggest you ignore any thoughts about this being a sign to not meditate - we're all supposed to meditate. Keep at it!!

That's the thing. There is no chatter. I've not experienced chatter since my very first attempt. What comes to me now isn't even thought of doing things just a restlessness or urge to not continue. I guess it's the same, need to will through it.

[Glow]

"Just keep going" is probably typical advice you will hear.

I will offer you an alternate technique. While you are sitting in silence and when you get the urge to do things allow those actions to fill your mind and let yourself play out all of the actions you feel like doing, but only in your mind. Do not use your physical body, but 'do' everything you feel like doing with your mental body.

I will try that. It might just work

[rva_jeremy]

I hope you'll get over your embarrassment. Carla always reported that she found herself a poor meditator who could not keep a silent mind very long.

I think the analogy for what you're describing is this: imagine going to the gym and putting weights on the bar. When you lift it, it's really difficult or impossible. Then you ask the gym instructor if you're doing it right.

That's essentially what this is about. It's not natural to sit still with nothing occupying the mind. You have to build the muscle, and the resistance is how you know it's working.

I have a very similar experience where it's easy to grab a few seconds of space, but after that, mental processes kick back in and demand attention. The way I (imperfectly) deal with it is to just acknowledge and release the thoughts, over and over again, until I get some respite. Not push them away, but acknowledge them and let them sort of run their course. This takes patience and time. Sometimes it takes 20 minutes, sometimes I never make it, sometimes it happens quicker. But what I'd recommend keeping in mind is the analogy of exercise, that you are building a muscle of concentration and discipline and it doesn't come easy.

And one more thing: it's ok to have bad meditations! Intent goes a long way.

[Glow]

Well I think there might be more to it than will.
The first month the visions weren't just visions. A fellow incarnate an hour away was privy to my vision in some way, we've shared visions before but the first month of meditation was the first time we were consciously aware of it. There was also very odd info given to me. Obscur history from the 1300s and some strange mathematically verifiable things told in the visions.

After that I went on a shamanic journey were I really didn't understand the message. I guess I still don't but one thing I remember was the flashes in the journey were nearly all to fast to consously grasp. Then I don't know I just had an aversion.

Friday I had a turning point. I released a lot of attachments and following that I had a great meditation and the visions came within minutes, very similar to the shamanic journey. Again very fast to fast to see in most cases but for some reason I'm not intimidated by the speed of the flashes now.

I'm not sure why I had the aversion, perhaps intimidate by the journey perhaps I had to release attachment first, perhaps I just wasn't ready I don't know.

Mysterious, not sure why I posted this response but perhaps to thank you all again. It seems whenever I bring an issue up here it is resolved promptly. Can't help but see it coincides with it being part of a collective consciousness perhaps increasing the unconscious collective call for resolution.

Edited to add there was some will involved I did still have to continue even though I didn't want to but it was so much easier so I think intimidation or some other energy(attachment to ideas/emotional connection) was blocking me.