The Willingness to be Vulnerable

[Plenum]

in continuing to work through my orange and yellow chakra blockages, I have found that the importance of feelings and vulnerabilities continues to arise.

part of this is an unwillingness to truly feel and experience what it is like to be truly vulnerable, the kind of vulnerability and dependence that a 9 month or 12 month old baby has, when sitting at the dinner table in his high chair surrounded by his loving family.

there were times when we were growing up, which mostly likely includes many events before the age of 16, when we had traumatic and painful experiences, and these experiences were not able to be integrated at the time.

these traumatic experiences have a tendency to be walled off, and we deny ourselves the right to experience them fully. They are just too painful.

so they become isolated memories, affecting our mood and behaviour. Anything that vaguely reminds us of these painful memories evokes a kind of avoidance response. We don't want to talk about it, we change the topic of conversation or deflect the question back to the other person.

I have found that it is very useful to put oneself back into a vulnerable position again. In the safety and comfort of one's home, one can willingly re-experience the events of childhood, and through a complete re-living and acceptance of what happened, that memory can finally be re-integrated into the self.

[AnthroHeart]

I do have a painful memory, but I am unable to wall it off and forget it, because it was just too intense.

[Plenum]

I do have a painful memory, but I am unable to wall it off and forget it, because it was just too intense.

yeah Gemini, there are some things that take time to work through.

I have a few of those.

one was when I was about 6 months into chinese school, and we were just starting to learn to read the written script. When it came to my turn to read out loud, I was totally paralyzed with fear and confusion and couldn't utter a single syllable. I thought everyone was laughing at me and that no-one would be friends with me after that because I was so stupid and dumb. It is one that I skirt around, and think has been fully processed and yet it still lingers.

[reeay]

It's kind of like a spiraling movement that we go proximal and then distal to that place of pain. Along the way we want to give up or get overwhelmed so we step back. Then we try again and get closer. Step back, approach, step back, approach. But you know, it kind of gets better as time passes bc we can still feel the pain sharply but we have more love and light to work with! That can help to get closer and closer to the core, maybe. I love being older haha. More internal resources to utilize.

[zenmaster]

So that type of work is typical of the conscious balancing exercise, this time involving more distant memory. Does anyone know how shamanic "soul retrieval" functions - which also removes chakra blockages?

[reeay]

My boss did soul retrieval but she said only when some aspect of the soul breaks away for some reason such as trauma of near death or death experience. She goes into trance and journeys to the place where the fragmented soul resides (some protected place) and brings it back. I guess she can tell which part left and why, so that can bring insight around the catalyst that lead to soul breaking away. Soul could be mind fragmentation I think. Some very very cut off aspect of self. I wouldn't do that with people who dissociates.