Applying Nonviolent Communication to hot topics

[Nicholas]

When Ra said "There is no emotional charge" I imagined that to be a blue ray insight, because to invite free expression regardless of the emotional content is to interpret the expression as a need that the other person is trying to express. I really want to dedicate a good deal of time to fully explain what NVC is. In short, NVC has given me the tools to make that 14 inch journey from my head to my heart.

[Nía]

Thanks so much Nicholas, that's an excellent video, I've shared it with several people already. It also applies the methods of Self-Compassion, used in Compassion-Focussed Therapy, which is absolutely brilliant for survivors of any kind of trauma. Lovely!

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[Nicholas]

Thanks so much Nicholas, that's an excellent video, I've shared it with several people already. It also applies the methods of Self-Compassion, used in Compassion-Focussed Therapy, which is absolutely brilliant for survivors of any kind of trauma. Lovely!

-`ღ´-

Thank you for your feedback, Nia! Marshall Rosenburg's approach has really helped me out with my own confusions. The last year or so I have tried to understand why us humans are failing to understand each other, and his approach has been such a helpful catalyst for me. It maybe because he is a charismatic male, and that he comes from a clinical psychology background. But his focus on all communication stemming from unmet needs helped to unblock my own throat! 

That's why I stopped communicating with you, because I did not believe I could be supportive when I had needs of my own that were being ignored! xx

[Diana]

Really good video. I agree with Nia—I like the way she includes compassion for self, and "choicefulness."

I'm familiar with NVC and utilize the basic ideas when communicating. I started out with the intention of making difficult conversations more effective (such as with a partner), but now use this general way of interacting all the time.

I will also say that I love intellectual conversation, and that unfolds a little differently, since the idea is to develop one's ideas and express them clearly, while also listening to counterpoints, evolving as you go (rather than resolving as with a personal conflict). I think debating can be healthy and mind-expanding. But the same principal of checking in with reaction is best applied. When emotional reactions enter the scene, it's time to regroup, because the energy has changed from objective (detached) to subjective (attached).

It is interesting to observe self when reactive emotions take hold. I think it's common to have the feeling of not being heard. The typical childhood on 3D Earth, no matter how seemingly healthy, is still full of distortions and guidance by distorted adults. Not many adults really communicate equally with children. So where does this leave us as adults, having been children who were not taken seriously or really listened to at all? Breaking the patterns with techniques such as NVC is a good tool for evolution.

[rva_jeremy]

I will also say that I love intellectual conversation, and that unfolds a little differently, since the idea is to develop one's ideas and express them clearly, while also listening to counterpoints, evolving as you go (rather than resolving as with a personal conflict). I think debating can be healthy and mind-expanding. But the same principal of checking in with reaction is best applied. When emotional reactions enter the scene, it's time to regroup, because the energy has changed from objective (detached) to subjective (attached).

Thank you for those thoughts, Diana.  

I'm an excellent debater, and it took me a long time to own up to its uselessness in actually reaching people in an authentic manner.  One receives a great deal of praise if one can defend one's argument in a debate, and of course there's whole sectors of society that make debate into a sport in and of itself. Indeed, I firmly believe in the old adage that "it is the clash of ideas that casts the light."  The ability to interrogate an argument is crucial to exploring an idea fully.

What the speaker in this video makes absolutely clear is that it's not always about the ideas, so you need to use the debate dynamic with willing participants who have the inner resources to stand up for themselves.  Otherwise, you're just dominating, and it's not about finding truth at all but owning the other side. And to be honest, I think there are many times I debated when I should have shared and listened more, and that my debate tactics were more about protecting myself from my own doubts and emotions than honestly exploring a topic.  

Classic debates are events held in public, so that third parties can benefit from the adversarial interrogation of the arguments and draw their own conclusions.  Debates don't settle anything; they are modes of intellectual exploration.  When we make them into a contest over truth, we turn them into a mere horse race.

[Diana]

What the speaker in this video makes absolutely clear is that it's not always about the ideas, so you need to use the debate dynamic with willing participants who have the inner resources to stand up for themselves.  Otherwise, you're just dominating, and it's not about finding truth at all but owning the other side. 

I absolutely agree. I only debate with those who love it, and it's always peaceable. For those who love it, it's different than the typical public debate where winning is the goal. And sometimes, when I have a willing, capable partner, I like to switch "sides" or viewpoints to widen the exploration of ideas.