Gender roles

[Melissa]

Today I realized that I'm still not particularly accepting about the fact that I'm a woman. I often feel ashamed and 'sinful' just by being female, which surprised me as it is quite a religious way of thinking. Plus, having had many negative experiences, involving men, regarding womanhood has often made me wish I was born a male. I'm tired of acting overly masculine in general and having to act quite harshly to set clear boundaries but it's the only way I know that actually works. What worries me is that I feel I'll be crushed should I fully embrace femininity. Well, it's something to ponder upon as I'm not quite sure what femininity even means these days.


Are you happy with your gender? What does it entail for you?

[Unbound]

Interestingly, I used to have many issues with being a guy because of all the stereotypes surrounding males and their relationships to women. I used to be both ashamed at my gender and angry with women because I always felt men were expected to act in ways that are not natural to me. For a long time I felt worthless and replacable as a man because of views expressed around me regarding our place in the species. Most painfully is the many cases and encounters I have had with hurt or abused women, but also women that just plain dislike and judge men for being men, which often involved many generalized statements of "men are...". The worst part is having negativity placed on me as an assumption because of my gender because of situations and events which have absolutely nothing to do with me as a person.

Women have been hurt a lot by men, it's true, but men can be hurt just as much. Im okay with being a man now because my girlfriend and previous friends help me to realize that it is okay for me to be masculine and that doesn't mean it makes me in to an abuser or vulgar individual.

[kycahi]

Sometimes I ponder "early man" in relation to the Ra material. First, when a female pairs with a male, and in early times they both probably were early teens, she would become "with child" and couldn't keep up with guys who went off hunting and gathering. After the child came, she had to nurse it and nurture it, so still staying behind. Therefore the women optimized themselves for home life and the men for hunting.

For men to succeed, they had to be able to run after game and away from predators and be aggressive under many conditions. This success bred such success in succeeding males and, ironically, women finding the aggressive behavior attractive in men also contributed to that genetic "success."

Now most of us are a long way from hunting and gathering, but we still have separate "roles," like it or not. In our Third Density we contribute to the One's experiencing Itself, so even a woman not getting how to be feminine yet avoid the wrong kinds of men is contributing to the experience pool.

Should you continue this experience forever then? Heck no, but for now you can accept that your experiencing the frustration you described is doing something useful even while it's time to experience improving yourself and getting this femininity right. I can't contribute to that, but I hope others will have ideas for you to try. If the suggestions in here don't resonate, set the goal of finding the right next step in your area or in another website.

I wish you good luck in the project.

[zenmaster]

If the suggestions in here don't resonate, set the goal of finding the right next step in your area or in another website.

omg wait, this internet website isn't an end-all-be-all fount of wisdom?

[Fang]

For a social institution (eg. masculinity, femininity, "clock time" etc.) to be established it has somewhat to be functional for the collective, that being said there's always room for improvement.

<s>Modern (3rd wave?)</s> tumblrcore feminism has just become a s#*% storm of irrationality, self righteousness and self indulgence, a most shameful display. Nobody in a 1st world country "needs feminism" I really wish they would stop with those signs (oh great now I'm a "mysoginistic patriarchy enabler"...lol).
Masculinity used to be basically just a competition of who was the least "gay", and now is just a (bigger) mess of people trying to prove themselves. The whole thing is just breaking down.

The rise in the volume of the voice of the transgender population is starting to have an effect influencing many people to "transcend the conceptual duality of humans" and think more in terms of us all being one collective regardless of gender (green vmeme, see spiral dynamics). Of course that is when the message communicated is something better than "wah wah I'm so oppressed" or "give me special treatment because we're equal" (that goes for you to feminists lol).

Here's an article by a lesbian feminist who disguised herself as a man for 18 months and during the process realized "female privilege", quite interesting
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2006/ma...okextracts

As for my personal views, being a man held to standards of masculinity has it's issues, psychological and physical abuse is a lot more socially acceptable and rarely investigated if it's done to men for example as they should just "be a man" about it. Though females have their own problems too, of course. The thing is, if we evolved this way the two aspects of man and woman must obviously be complimentary so as much as we all like to whine about the other side not understanding or mistreating us we both need each other, so why not accept the necessary, beneficial differences and use that to help and the other?

[reeay]

Feminism and feminine are different, as being feminine and gender roles are different.

Gender role is simply, how we have a tendency to be socialized to conform to certain roles according to social and familial expectations. They are not good or bad, unless the role does not somehow match your genuine desires for certain type of service. So then, if some gender role does not fit with 'who you are' but we continue to play such roles, there will be tendency towards unhealthiness. In order to know whether something fits or not, we each have to understand who we are and what we would like to do as our service... If certain gender roles are not congruent, one lets it go. There will be sense of guilt or censure from those who want us to conform, but that's just another lovely yellow ray balancing catalyst to accept.

Back to square one: who are you? What are you doing here?

The issue with feeling uncomfortable in certain roles is just catalyst. It's really awesome catalyst bc you can look at what compels you to do something, while feeling rather uncomfortable doing it.

[Melissa]

This past year I've become more androgynous, physically speaking, which made this whole gender label even more confusing at first. But I also think I finally get to make a conscious decision in who I want to be. Which also made me seek 'rolemodels' again, only to come to the conclusion that there are barely any 'out there'. Which made me think about gender roles in general and how both sexes have been attempting to strip each others power away, sadly enough. And I think women (in general) have become so confused that it's quite uncommon to find groups of women who are truly supportive of eachother. These are personal observations but I think it's a major issue in today's society.

Thanks for the helpful responses

[Sagittarius]

I used to dress up in women's clothing for fun and to get off haha, used to get a rush imagining myself as a girl and from sneaking into friends sisters/mums bedrooms and wearing there underwear. Devious devil that I'am.

Also recently had a few homosexual experiences which not surprisingly alleviated a self hatred of femininity and negativity that had been re-occurring catalyst.

An evolved deep found love and understanding for women has eloped and not just other selves but the whole microcosmic/macro-cosmic self.

[isis]

i love making sandwiches.

[Phoenix]

I'm interested in this area recently.

Firstly, I think it's easy to condemn this or that and get blockages in this area but it is worth trying to get an idea of the fact of everything being perfect and whole etc.

Having said that, I find social roles confusing. In relation to a woman I used to be able to take the lead and most of the time, generally, the 'power' in the conversation seems to be on me or equal. I don't take a submissive role.

But I think it is undeniable that some women are more aggressive and generally tougher than me. Is this because of a lack of balance? I would hesitate to say so, but I won't out rule it either. Because even when people balance massive life lessons, they don't really change. They just move the same being into a different configuration.

I should define 'aggressive and generally tougher' so as not to create confusion, that is a bit vague. What I mean is that some girls;
Are able to engage in emotional fights a lot more to press their points, I would get exhausted quite quickly, I can do confrontation and have, but not with any great intensity.
ENJOY physical acts of service that I would be not inclined to and alienated from (I am more of a thinker).
Indulge in things (films etc.) that were violent in some way that I would not.

Which made me think about gender roles in general and how both sexes have been attempting to strip each others power away, sadly enough.

I don't see much of this, I think genders work on their own gender and don't really work on each other. For instance, I've seen research that the whole 'slut' idea is more of a female term, that it is women that shame their counterparts in order to 'fight the competition' of attractive competitors. Likewise, it is men that hit on each other for not being 'stereotypically masculine' enough.

[Matt1]

I have never really had any issues with this topic myself. Its interesting to read some of the experiences. I often find these days Woman acting more like men, and men more like woman as a common place in society.

[Sagittarius]

I have never really had any issues with this topic myself. Its interesting to read some of the experiences. I often find these days Woman acting more like men, and men more like woman as a common place in society.

Yes it's the whole anima/animus shadow expression. Can be quite confusing in interaction as women will use there feministic qualities (emotion) to use and hide there shadow animus, and men use there masculine qualities (strength) to use and hide there shadow anima.

Could think of it like women seeing themselves abused by a dark father who never gives them strength and men by a dark mother who never gives them emotion.