A little input would mean the world to me -

[spero]

Hi everyone, it's been a while since I've posted. I've been on a personal journey.
I need some input on a topic I can't fully tell anyone in my life about... It's been so difficult.

For the past four years, up until now, I've dealt with a full-body, skull to toes smoldering pain. It was a big factor in my suicide attempt two years ago.

Since then, I've decided that I WILL live, no matter how much pain comes, I will find the strength to endure it. But, sometimes all I can muster is to sit in silence, focusing; until the wave of pain subsides. The doctors can never make sense of what I describe.

Which brings me to a question -

Do you guys think that, if an entity were incarnated into a body that took ALL energy just to endure, that polarization, or service to self OR others, is even possible?

What would be the purpose of this, what could be accomplished?
It just bothers me that I can't be more to others, that I can only endure my own physical pain on a daily basis. I'm just not the same person anymore.

Why would a soul take on a body in such aggresive pain?

im sorry to hear about your experiences and i cant imagine going through it myself. my heart goes out to you. Why would you pick such a lesson...im not sure. maybe its balancing for past karma. maybe you planned for exactly the choice youve made, that no matter the physical suffering u will remain with an open heart. im sorry. i just dont know what else to say. maybe someone with other experience can answer but i just wanted to wish you well and send my love.

p.s. theres nothing wrong with silence