02-21-2010, 10:22 AM
(02-14-2010, 02:11 AM)Questioner Wrote: Recently a forum member here had a post that commented on how service-to-self entities strive to increase the sense of separation and alienation between themselves and the rest of humanity. Reluctantly, I've had to agree that this describes my Mom perfectly, and that if she's still alive, I'm very unlikely to reach her in any way that matters at all to her. (More about that in future posts.)
I was just a little kid that wanted love.
I've wasted most of four decades trying to get water from empty wells. In this incarnation, I likely never will feel the sense of security, self-worth and love that comes from someone knowing that they are well taken care of by good-enough parents. If it's true that we choose our parents as the best available way to fulfill our incarnational plans, then the only solution I can come up with so far as that Mom and I had some kind of deal to show each other the opposite sides of polarization, and to reject the other side no matter how much it hurt us to do so.
Hi Questioner !!! Thanks for sharing your life with us and opening your heart and showing your vulnerability. It takes a real strength and emotional maturity to do that. And face your pains. That is a big step towards healing them, accepting that they exist.
I can totally relate to your experience as mine. I had a rough childhood including brutal physical punishment. But I learned one thing- Our past does not have to hold us back, can not hold us back. When you Forgive; you do that for your own self. It is one big gift given to your own incarnation. It is immaterial who or what you are forgiving. Just that you do and break away from the invisible ties from the past that feeds on your emotions and hold you back from flying freely in the open skies. Once you forgive the past is no more and you own the moment with non-duality.
I find that I have many layers of emotions and I had to forgive again and again and again. I write down my letter of forgiveness and then burn it to release it. Then bring in the loving energy of the things that you love. It could be a person, thing or an idea anything to reclaim the empty spot...
Wallowing in Love
