what did you learn today?

[BlatzAdict]

Today I learned it takes a s*** ton of balance to achieve balance.

I know that sounds so retarded. I have several examples

There is this person at work I can't stop crushing on, but it's only physical and none of this attraction is mental. Deep inside I know it is an illusion, and I wonder if I would be happier with something more practical for sexual gratification instead of a human person.

she sat across from me and got moved, which is fine i don't have to focus on it i suppose. I run into the trouble of thinking that maybe no one wants to be around me, or no one finds me suitable due to the rejection of this one person.

Yesterday when she did sit across from me all i could think was that i was getting angry at myself for liking someone who is like everyone else. The physical is all too real, but what is underneath speaks so much more loudly.

So loud that it's almost unbearable.
I'll try to explain this further, I sat down and caught her sitting across from me, the next thing is a rushed smile, the warmth in her face did not come through in the smile, it was like seeing a plastic bag that had been stretched too many times to do the same thing over and over again.

It was like this face http://alltheragefaces.com/img/faces/lar...face-l.png

Also when I kiss someone, now it's just more of this emptyness, something that does not exist. A connection, a depth of feeling.
Kissing someone is almost like pressing your face to a balloon, there is pressure indicating that something is blocking your physicality, but there is nothing inside that balloon.


I was trying to talk with a friend from this forum, and i didn't want them to tell me anything about growing, and then I did the same thing as she was describing to me a physical death of her friend but also knowing that he was still around in spirit.

. I'm at the point where I know what my lesson is and I can see duality for what it is, but I suppose I'm still having problems assimilating and finishing the lesson.

The welling in my body was can't she know that it's just the way it needs to be. I kept telling myself as I was talking to my friend, oh god no, this catalyst she's going through, I'm going to go through it, I can feel it coming on, I'm going to have to catalyze lonliness again.

I keep trying to tell myself the same when I go through thoughts of lonliness or what not or feelings of disconnectedness

I think the hardest part in assimilating all of it is that the feelings of lack or abundance start with me, and the material world follows suit as a result and not the other way around..

So finding an excuse to feel and be positive and to have love in my heart is actually a lot harder than it seems. When it seems so real that no one is there helping me, other than me. At the same time are my thoughts even my own.

Inspiration and pretty much anything else are thoughts from other entities. fear and love, free will, we are given a choice to choose between love the prime directive, and fear the illusion of no prime directive.

how come there is no third door?

I'm also wanting to get the eff off of earth because if progress is this slow getting into 4D, well I'm sick of waiting. I am sick of waiting for any sort of changes, anything that I want must be worked towards to achieve to get in the now, and not later, not yesterday