03-03-2010, 04:34 AM
(This post was last modified: 03-03-2010, 04:37 AM by Peregrinus.)
To paraphrase Q'uo? I think said this, "Do not mistake please for happiness". This struck me lately as being relevant to the sexual relationships of many.
Being single, I masturbate. Believe me, I would much prefer a monogamous loving mated relationship, but that is not where I am at right now (None seem to want a 44 year old man with nothing but a beautiful daughter). I have tried the abstaining thing, but then I heard Wayne Dyer or someone comment on "horny monk syndrome" which I seemed to be becoming, and since abstinence wasn't really helping me on my spiritual path, I resumed being less tense.
Now, the quote above has meaning to me, in that I think many seek pleasure and mistake it for happiness, for a connection to others, just as watching daytime soaps has been shown to improve the lives of unhappy housewives because it made them feel like they were a part of something other than what they perceived as their own dull lives, perhaps involvement by watching porn gives a feeling of intimacy to others.
I think that if one understands that distinction, that these are two separate things, and can look at what they do and come to terms with it, then responsible choices can be made.
If one is in a honest loving relationship, porn is simply not required.
Of course, not every relationship is perfect. I ended up using porn while in my last relationship. There were many sexual problems as well as her mental health and addiction problems. She was unable to emanate and connect green ray (except for the one time my daughter was conceived, and it almost destroyed her mentally). I was the first man to ever give her an orgasm she told me and she took a very intense liking to having it NOW. She desired orgasm so much it would happen for her in about three minutes, and then she was done, leaving me unfulfilled. It was simply a pleasurable experience to her, without love and intimacy. She simply would not have sex except at a time specified by her, and I eventually ceased trying to initiate. Times required perfect circumstances, and sex was only "allowed" about every three days. This is but a handful of the sexual problems. I say sex, because I made love to her, but she had sex with me. Eventually, I just began satisfying myself.
I can do without visual stimulation, but then must visualize in the mind, and that process takes much longer. I am very selective in what I watch. It must have two partners that show affection, deep kissing, all those things which leads me to believe these people love each other. I therefore watch mostly amateur stuff. I, as Monica mentioned, do watch the faces, and I will not watch anything which the woman is seemingly forced to do something or doesn't look like she is enjoying herself. I think degradation is degradation no matter how you label it. Suffering is a brutalization to the entire human species.
I think there is "better" porn to watch, and it is my moral choice to watch that. I don't know if a woman can understand that or not, in my circumstances, but that is my take on this.
Being single, I masturbate. Believe me, I would much prefer a monogamous loving mated relationship, but that is not where I am at right now (None seem to want a 44 year old man with nothing but a beautiful daughter). I have tried the abstaining thing, but then I heard Wayne Dyer or someone comment on "horny monk syndrome" which I seemed to be becoming, and since abstinence wasn't really helping me on my spiritual path, I resumed being less tense.
Now, the quote above has meaning to me, in that I think many seek pleasure and mistake it for happiness, for a connection to others, just as watching daytime soaps has been shown to improve the lives of unhappy housewives because it made them feel like they were a part of something other than what they perceived as their own dull lives, perhaps involvement by watching porn gives a feeling of intimacy to others.
I think that if one understands that distinction, that these are two separate things, and can look at what they do and come to terms with it, then responsible choices can be made.
If one is in a honest loving relationship, porn is simply not required.
Of course, not every relationship is perfect. I ended up using porn while in my last relationship. There were many sexual problems as well as her mental health and addiction problems. She was unable to emanate and connect green ray (except for the one time my daughter was conceived, and it almost destroyed her mentally). I was the first man to ever give her an orgasm she told me and she took a very intense liking to having it NOW. She desired orgasm so much it would happen for her in about three minutes, and then she was done, leaving me unfulfilled. It was simply a pleasurable experience to her, without love and intimacy. She simply would not have sex except at a time specified by her, and I eventually ceased trying to initiate. Times required perfect circumstances, and sex was only "allowed" about every three days. This is but a handful of the sexual problems. I say sex, because I made love to her, but she had sex with me. Eventually, I just began satisfying myself.
I can do without visual stimulation, but then must visualize in the mind, and that process takes much longer. I am very selective in what I watch. It must have two partners that show affection, deep kissing, all those things which leads me to believe these people love each other. I therefore watch mostly amateur stuff. I, as Monica mentioned, do watch the faces, and I will not watch anything which the woman is seemingly forced to do something or doesn't look like she is enjoying herself. I think degradation is degradation no matter how you label it. Suffering is a brutalization to the entire human species.
I think there is "better" porn to watch, and it is my moral choice to watch that. I don't know if a woman can understand that or not, in my circumstances, but that is my take on this.