04-03-2013, 02:12 AM
For days now, I've been experiencing the separation, and with that - a lot of suffering. I can not accept the separation! I can not accept all this array of negative thoughts and emotions that come with this experience!
Yesterday it culminated with the pain manifesting in my physical body; it was/is felt in the groins, especially the left one, and the stomach. It continued when I was among people, and culminated even more when I felt a complete separation and all the negative thoughts and emotions when being among them... How the heck do you accept that? And what do you do? I tried meditation, contemplation and intensive prayer for being in unity. But nothing worked... What do you do...?
Then I came to work. I felt no love. No desire to serve anyone. Just this pain, and suffering. Hours went by... Then suddenly at about 04:00 AM this night - BAM! There was a relief. I had one of these experiences. An experience of unity, of oneness... And it felt like all that was broken got healed, and my pain disappeared. I felt power and strength again. But as soon as I tried to rush somewhere, and serve as I usually do, be as I usually do, the pain came back. As soon as I tried to judge myself for not radiating enough, pain came back. As soon as I tried to be the "light and love", the pain came back... What the heck?! As soon as I returned to that place of unity within, pain went away...
On my way back home, there were loving teachers with me, telling me things like: the self is one with the creation. No parts of self, can be excluded from this unity.
These are freaking advanced lessons! I understand that this memory of what happened this night will soon wane. And I will forget it. And perhaps I will even start doubting again... I might leave the place of unity from within and so on and so forth... So this is where the faith comes into the picture... It's funny that I have been studying faith lately... And will probably experience a perfect example of how to work with it soon...
So what I learned today is that the self is one with the creation, and no parts if it can be excluded, all needs to be accepted as part of unity, of self. This density also teaches the lessons of faith and will, among others. Faith in what is happening, and that the one is on the right track of its evolution. The will is to be gently, gently used, to be touched and felt first, and worked with with care... To find that will is not easy. But when found, it is to be directed into the orientation that one wants to take, serving others in my case...
*phew* It's not easy in this density!
Yesterday it culminated with the pain manifesting in my physical body; it was/is felt in the groins, especially the left one, and the stomach. It continued when I was among people, and culminated even more when I felt a complete separation and all the negative thoughts and emotions when being among them... How the heck do you accept that? And what do you do? I tried meditation, contemplation and intensive prayer for being in unity. But nothing worked... What do you do...?
Then I came to work. I felt no love. No desire to serve anyone. Just this pain, and suffering. Hours went by... Then suddenly at about 04:00 AM this night - BAM! There was a relief. I had one of these experiences. An experience of unity, of oneness... And it felt like all that was broken got healed, and my pain disappeared. I felt power and strength again. But as soon as I tried to rush somewhere, and serve as I usually do, be as I usually do, the pain came back. As soon as I tried to judge myself for not radiating enough, pain came back. As soon as I tried to be the "light and love", the pain came back... What the heck?! As soon as I returned to that place of unity within, pain went away...
On my way back home, there were loving teachers with me, telling me things like: the self is one with the creation. No parts of self, can be excluded from this unity.
These are freaking advanced lessons! I understand that this memory of what happened this night will soon wane. And I will forget it. And perhaps I will even start doubting again... I might leave the place of unity from within and so on and so forth... So this is where the faith comes into the picture... It's funny that I have been studying faith lately... And will probably experience a perfect example of how to work with it soon...
So what I learned today is that the self is one with the creation, and no parts if it can be excluded, all needs to be accepted as part of unity, of self. This density also teaches the lessons of faith and will, among others. Faith in what is happening, and that the one is on the right track of its evolution. The will is to be gently, gently used, to be touched and felt first, and worked with with care... To find that will is not easy. But when found, it is to be directed into the orientation that one wants to take, serving others in my case...
*phew* It's not easy in this density!
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