Sexual addiction! and Male-Female energy roles/energies

[Pablísimo]

Isn't it amazing how these forums force us to look at any number of complicated issues from multiple angles, perspectives, and dimensions? It's like we don't allow ourselves, collectively, to be shallow or one dimensional about ANY issue that comes along, no matter how taboo. Well, we wanted to understand what Oneness really means, didn't we? What better way than to hear our other-selves speak from an infinite number of paths? I mean, look at Biu Tze's fearless, heartfelt, and troubled first post that brought us all into public contemplation of pornography and related addiction. And Lavazza's very personal chronicle of addiction and technology that enhanced our contemplation further, or Monica's incredibly insightful post on sexual energy exchange and pornography that I would wager jarred most of the male readers. Not to mention all the shorter comments and thoughts from all our brethren, heck even my own musings. Surely this must be a preview of the learnings that social memory complexes experience!!! We are living in the baby stages of 4d consciousness right now, I think.

Now, I am not a porn addict nor do I have any strong aversion to it and so can't comment on the main topic per se. However, I would like to offer some thoughts for contemplation on what could be one of the reasons why pornography is so addictive, particularly to males. That reason, I believe, lies in how men are visually triggered by sexual stimuli. This is not an idle thought, this is a topic I've pondered at great length. I also have come to believe that it is something that most women do not realize about men, and indeed have trouble initially understanding. Of course, it is only my perspective in an infinite sea of perspectives.

I feel it necessary to briefly explain my sexual landscape, hopefully tactfully. I am in a deeply fulfilling and loving marriage, and we love each other physically quite frequently. We have been partners for about 13 years and have reached a level of trust, love, and understanding that really defies words to adequately describe. We both enjoy sex a great deal and take many opportunities to enjoy each other. For me, my wife is the ultimate gateway to femininity. In the microcosm that is her, every facet of feminine energy and womanhood exists for me to study and take joy in. She is the Daughter, the Impish Sprite, the Mother, the wise Crone...She is the Goddess personified. When I put myself inside of her, it is like Gaia herself opens to me, and I am humbled and filled with joy. While I ultimately know that all women contain that exact same divinity, in my bulky 3D body with the veil in place I just cannot see it nearly so clearly as I can with my beloved wife. Anyway, that said, it doesn't always mean our physical expressions of love are always on the highest plane. We have been blessed with many sublime sexual experiences that were sacred, spiritual, full open Green Ray loving experiences. At other times, though, we are still loving but not so serious -- more playful, or adventurous, or kinky, and occasionally quite silly! Though we have alot of sex, it doesn't really feel routine... we cycle through a wide range of things and learn to enjoy each other more and more as the years go by. We have made home made porn together and enjoyed it, and it doesn't feel wrong. I was just letting you know where I am coming from first.

Thank you for bearing with my rambling and wordy style. Back to the heart of the matter! As I see it, men are "wired" to be visually triggered by sexual imagery. If I see a woman in a sexually suggestive pose, or wearing very revealing clothing, I CANNOT help but react on a very primal level. It doesn't matter if it is my dear wife wearing lingerie, a dirty email from a friend, or a total stranger walking in the mall who has breasts that are falling out of a ripped up shirt, my inner male energy just reacts to the stimulus. I truly, honestly, deeply cannot help it. Now don't get me wrong here -- I am a nice guy and I respect women. I certainly don't leer, stare or react to the arousal openly. I have gotten extremely good at averting my eyes without being obvious if I find they have strayed and not exhibiting any outward signs of arousal even when forced to interact closely with a woman baring a lot of skin. There have been a few times where I had to have a long involved business conversation with an extremely attractive woman wearing very inappropriate clothing. Those times were difficult, it is so hard to concentrate and remember NOT to look at certain parts of her. Keep eyes focused, don't leer, ack pay attention to what she's saying so you can respond intelligently, etc. Hey, I'm being totally honest with my brothers and sisters in the interest of honest communion with my brethren. Inwardly, that stimulus makes me start thinking about sex and begin to crave sexual activity. And this isn't even porn and I'm well fulfilled sexually! It's just that visual trigger, it gets me every time. I have honestly come to believe that most men are wired in exactly the same way. Some are just not quite as good at hiding it with strangers, or worse don't care to. This visual hardwiring is odd. My wife can get in a provocative pose and push my buttons, and that's very nice sometimes. But that same internal wiring makes me react to the constant barrage of T&A I see in movies, advertisements, magazines, and even alot of women walking down the street. I sometimes get a little angry at society for bombarding me with sexual imagery that pushes my buttons. I've noticed, for example, that if we watch a movie with alot of sexual content, that I tend to want sex more later that evening and the connection seems obvious. It's not that my desire wasn't naturally there, it just feels like it was somewhat artificially stoked by the visuals I was exposed to that day.

When I was younger, I had a neighbor who was extraordinarily beautiful. Sizzling hot and one I definitely reacted around. Well, she happened to be Muslim but did not cover her hair and wore skimpy outfits. At some point, her religious faith deepend and she started wearing a hijab (Muslim headscarf to cover the hair) and wearing very loose, modest clothing. I remember how stunned I was the first time that I saw her like that! It was as if she had been de-sexualized for me. That is, without seeing her curves or her hair, my body no longer reacted to her feminine energy due to visual triggers! It was amazing and something that I have given alot of thought to when contemplating the very complex issues of women & Islam. My wife & I, who are not Muslim, recently had the good fortune to go to Egypt and she decided to wear the Hijab while out in public while we were there. It was only a 2 week trip and it was a sign of respect for the local culture. That was a good move as there were some places she would have been extremely uncomfortable in if she had not had her hair covered. Anyway, it was certainly an odd experience seeing my wife wearing a hijab and western, but very loose desert clothes. I have to say that while there I had less sexual thoughts and cravings. My wife was still beautiful and sweet and kind and radiated love and all those other things I usually see in her....but with the visual elements of her femininity removed, I just didn't have the same subtle sexual reactions to her during the day that I usually do. In the evenings, it all would come rushing back as she uncovered her hair and changed into skimpier clothing. All of that was further confirmation for me that men just react strongly to visual sexual stimuli.

I think that if, in general, women could understand more consciously what it is like to be sexually wired in such a visual way, that they would be more compassionate and understanding of the "male dilemma" in the Western world. Male & Female strip clubs exist, but it is fairly obvious that strip clubs catering to men greatly outnumber those catering to women. Couples and groups notwithstanding, alot more single men go to strip clubs than single women. My perception (again only my opinion) is that women sort of need to be in a group and be into the atmosphere and energy flows from their girlfriends to be in the right mood to enjoy and get turned on by male strippers. Men, on the other hand, just react to the visuals. The curves, the skin, etc. We can't help but react. Though I firmly believe men and women are equal and that even gender is ultimately an illusion, women seem a bit more evolved in this department. They do not seem to be wired in the same way visually that men are. If anything, they TEND to require more than just mere visual stimuli to become sexually aroused. Whereas, despite the depths of sacred sexuality I have touched, I still can be aroused by nothing more than raw sexual images. A woman who at least intellectually understands the male ocular-sexual wiring is much better positioned to be loving and understanding when her mate quite understandably reacts to an unexpected sexual stimulus. To me, that is positive female tolerance of the male condition not submission to degradation. Just as, in all fairness, men have to tolerate some not so evolved qualities in women.

All this applies, I think, in the pornography context because if men are so naturally, powerfully attracted to visual sexual stimulus, one can certainly see how the siren call of pornography could begin to overwhelm him with addiction. What a difficult pitfall! It is essentially raw, pure, visual sexual stimuli. Which apparently amplifies sexual desire in men. While I do not believe porn is an inherently service to self creation per se and that there is such a thing as hardcore art, the majority of pornography I've been exposed to has major service to self elements. Monica's post was a real eye opener for me in that regard. The power of these extreme images and some of the dark avenues they take our minds down are what makes porn a danger to our spiritual selves. I would say there is probably no serious harm in looking at some pornography occasionally, even hardcore pornography, as long as it is not overly frequent and any STS elements in it are rejected by you internally. That said, attempting moderation is clearly easier said than done for some people.

In my interpretation, what this is saying is that the female has an honor and a responsibility to raise the vibration of the male. It's a complementary relationship. The female can spiritualize the sex act so that it becomes a potent exchange of energy.

Without this female contribution, the sex act is nothing more than masturbation. Or, worse, an STS act in which one person objectifies and manipulates the other.

Thank you for posting this quote. It was one that blew me away when I first read it. When my wife has an orgasm during sex, I have noticed this almost instant feeling as if a blanket of love and emotion descended on me. I actually feel more in touch with my feelings and connected... almost feminine. When I have an orgasm during sex, she seems to be energized. Sometimes after the glow she literally jumps up and claps her hands and says "OOoo! I love you!! Now let's go make some tea!/go for a walk/do it again" or some other such thing, while I am there, drained somewhat of physical energy but radiating love and feeling very emotional and in touch with earth. When Ra explained how the energy exchange works during sex, it was like "Ahhh! So that's what's going on!". I suspect it goes even further in that it helps balance male & female energies within you. I am giving maleness and receiving femaleness, we are balancing our energies and unifying gender.

As for the second part of your quote, I'd like to give you a few tidbits to consider. Have no fear, I know very well what you meant by those words, sister, and I agree with the spirit of what you wrote. Simply because you are a thinker and ponderer I wanted to share some thoughts upon the idea that sex can be one-sided or masturbatory and not necessarily STS or even "just" masturbation. Sometimes, sex can be a kind of service of love from one partner to another. Oral sex is probably the best example. One partner can give it to the other as a gesture of love.. to make the other feel good and enjoy pleasure. They may not have an orgasm themselves but the whole point is to serve the partner. I see it as the same type of love energy that goes into, say, cooking an elaborate meal for your spouse, or even just making them a sandwich. One of the lessons for STO folks is you have to learn to ACCEPT service from others in addition learning to give it. Think of situations like giving a back rub or foot massage, though sex isn't really very different. You may want to give to your STO partner to show your love, but remember that they too want to show their love and give their service. So, you have to learn when it is appropriate to serve and when it is best to allow yourself to be served. That balance must be struck so that both are fulfilled in mutual service. Just because sex has a HIGHER Potential to exchange energy doesn't mean that other, even baser uses of it can't still be loving and worthwhile as well. I believe most men have a higher sex drive than women, no doubt due in part to the constant visual sexual stimuli, and it seems unrealistic to expect every sexual interchange to result in the highest energy transfer. I'm not implying that you believe otherwise, I just thought this would be an interesting avenue to explore as a middle possiblity to the total STS act or total STO act. The person doing the "giving" is performing an STO act by wanting to relieve the pressure or give pleasure to their partner, but the person receiving it is not objectifying, dominating, or masturbating in/on the other, but rather is receiving a loving service in true gratitude. While not much energy is exchanged here, I believe that overall positive polarity will increase over time for both people.

Well guys, sorry for the super long post. I get so longwinded when I type! I've been reluctant to post for just that reason but I've been reading the forums for some time now. I was going to post something in the Wanderer forum but when I wrote it all up it was so long I decided not to post it. So this turned out to be my first post but I see I've done the same thing with this one. Oh well!

Love to all

Pablísimo