Different Kinds of Love

[Hototo]

It almost sounds as though those girls had specific expectations of what a 'lover' should be vs who you are as human being/citizen of eternity.

Also, I am almost sure there are extreme difficulties with language/understanding/semantics of the word 'love' vs the concept of romantic love on this planet.

Just a few months ago I realized how difficult it is to having a meaningful romantic relationship with someone unless you truly incarnated together with the intention of being in such a relationship. I was separated with my wife at the time pending a divorce and had absolutely no expectation of ever being with her again. I accepted it was likely I would spend this incarnation without a significant romantic other. It was at this time my wife finally (after 7 years of unhappy marriage) saw and accepted me for who I am and our relationship has been blissful since then. It came as a complete surprise as I made the proclamation that either my soul mate would manifest herself or I would spend this incarnation 'stag'.

I am currently in this state. I simply can not see a way that I would find a girl/woman besides my ex to be physically and mentally and spiritually attractive. I touched the void together with her on more than one occasion going both on this side and on that side of the void together and if I get another girl I will eventually have to cross the void with her as well and as such I would come across into the very same situation with the very same intent as I was before. Since essentially I would simply feel like I changed the skin of my girl, and nothing more, and it would feel cheap. I hope that makes sense.

I feel like "I played my games and I had my chances" and now that the jig is up, in a way, I am settling to a life of... Gandalfesque lonelyness and helping of otherselves until I fade away. I have a hope somewhere deep in my heart that it can still work but *shrug*.