One negative/upsetting aspect of the awakening process

[Ashim]

I feel very much I've lost my way spiritually. I don't even know what my goals are any longer. Perhaps it's to get closer to Creator. I don't know how. You're right about spirituality not coming easily. Thanks for the Buddhist parable. I've not actually been one to seek enlightenment, because in the past when I did, I regretted it. So I just live each day as it comes. I'm actually out of work on disability at the moment, so I have plenty of time to reflect. I'm a little nervous about the day I go back to work. How busy will it be? How much will they ask of me? And other such questions cross my mind. Now I am just enjoying the time off. But spiritually seeking I'm not. I figure I can do that work in 4th density when I no longer have the veil to hold me back. I don't really even meditate any more.

I would say that with over 4000 posts on B4, many of which displaying great insight and a desire for searching truths, that you are indeed seeking enlightenment. Maybe you don't see it this way right now because of your personal situation (I also have my issues and concerns as do, I'm sure most others here), but it certainly would appear this way.
Just be wary that your concerns do not turn into fully fledged fears as these may be returned to you in a manner that you may not really desire.
Come on Gemini, be that shining light that we know resides within you!
You even sound like Yoda sometimes.

But spiritually seeking I'm not.

Love to you.