03-06-2010, 12:24 AM
I am so thankful for this discussion. It provides great healing opportunities for all. Sexual healing and wholeness is hardest to achieve in the current social and physiological setup. Also in my opinion it is the most critical for the spiritual growth. The sexual programming is deeply seated and any provocation causes intense trigger. It is also true that we spend an enormous amount of our time and energy in projecting and dealing with the sexual energies. The whole sexual issue is clouded with the guilt and taboos.
What is an addiction? How would you measure a sexual addiction? What is normal, if any? In my opinion the addiction is automated scripted response that is out of control. It is a program that feeds on itself. The original reason for the activity is long gone and now there is only soulless repetitions.
So how do we break out of this? I would like to say that suppression is not the answer. Sexual energy is a powerful primal force and you would be destroyed inside out if you try to put a lid on it. I personally have not found an answer. I am playing with some concepts but the programming is so deep that nothing seems to work. I personally feel attracted to different women based upon the stimulus provided. I can even intuitively sense the one sending unconscious sexual signals. They probably feel similarly trapped too, pulled from different sources. Several years ago, I lived out all of my man fantasies with a willing partner. She had her own fantasies. We intentionally experimented with all kinds of stuff. Nothing was a taboo. It went on for a couple of years. After that I feel less pulled sexually and more rested in myself but not completely.
Generally speaking, I think men are so naturally polygamous. While women are generally monogamous. On a very fundamental level, men are interested in spreading their seeds so to speak. While women has to carry the burden of living with the consequences. Of carrying a baby and taking care of it. That is why women are more interesting in settling down and starting and raising a family while men in general could care less. They get interested in a family because of their interest in this woman and possibility of steady satisfaction of their sexual needs. Feel free to comment on it as I would like to hear all perspectives on this.
There are other social taboos to consider. Once you get married or dating someone exclusively then you are expected to be 100% devoted to each other. You hear things like- 'I should be enough for him'. That is fine but can someone be enough for another all the time? that is a pretty tall order in this fickle world or constantly changing forms. Then there are romantic stories that always end with- 'And they lived happily ever after'. Yea right!!! I am not surprised that there is insatiable appetite for stars love life and break-ups and all the gory details. People are not happy with their situations and they take solace in the fact that even those silver screen supermen and superwomen are also experiencing the same thing as they are. I am not surprised by a very very high divorce rate. The expectation we place on ourselves being the best and perfect couple living a dream life with always in love and not even a though about another. that is a tall order and when rubber meets the road those Cinderella slippers don't take you very far. I have not checked the stats on this but I believe the second marriages are hugely successful compared to the first only because people are more realistic and less dreamy after the first break-up.
As far as porn is concerned, I think we are discussing it like a monolith. Stereotyping the actors and viewers. It is such a huge industry (about 14 Billion USD, just did a quick google) with multiple players and styles and viewership. There is no doubt a huge chunk of porn that is just pure evil and negative and plain wrong. But I personally like to think some of the porn very beneficial for the psychological health of humanity. There is so much sexual stimulus thrown at your way and there is so much suppressive message from the religion and other well intentioned folks. There has to be some safe outlet for the men. A healthy porn provides that clean and safe outlet for the repressed men. No wonder they say that prostitution is the oldest profession. These conflicts are not new they are deeply seated in men mind.
These are just my thoughts and observations of the society in general. There are honorable exceptions for sure. I believe we each have to find the answers in our own lives and what works for you.
But it all starts with being honest with yourself and laying it all out there. I believe this thread is playing a role with that healing process of observing and accepting yourself and others...
What is an addiction? How would you measure a sexual addiction? What is normal, if any? In my opinion the addiction is automated scripted response that is out of control. It is a program that feeds on itself. The original reason for the activity is long gone and now there is only soulless repetitions.
So how do we break out of this? I would like to say that suppression is not the answer. Sexual energy is a powerful primal force and you would be destroyed inside out if you try to put a lid on it. I personally have not found an answer. I am playing with some concepts but the programming is so deep that nothing seems to work. I personally feel attracted to different women based upon the stimulus provided. I can even intuitively sense the one sending unconscious sexual signals. They probably feel similarly trapped too, pulled from different sources. Several years ago, I lived out all of my man fantasies with a willing partner. She had her own fantasies. We intentionally experimented with all kinds of stuff. Nothing was a taboo. It went on for a couple of years. After that I feel less pulled sexually and more rested in myself but not completely.
Generally speaking, I think men are so naturally polygamous. While women are generally monogamous. On a very fundamental level, men are interested in spreading their seeds so to speak. While women has to carry the burden of living with the consequences. Of carrying a baby and taking care of it. That is why women are more interesting in settling down and starting and raising a family while men in general could care less. They get interested in a family because of their interest in this woman and possibility of steady satisfaction of their sexual needs. Feel free to comment on it as I would like to hear all perspectives on this.
There are other social taboos to consider. Once you get married or dating someone exclusively then you are expected to be 100% devoted to each other. You hear things like- 'I should be enough for him'. That is fine but can someone be enough for another all the time? that is a pretty tall order in this fickle world or constantly changing forms. Then there are romantic stories that always end with- 'And they lived happily ever after'. Yea right!!! I am not surprised that there is insatiable appetite for stars love life and break-ups and all the gory details. People are not happy with their situations and they take solace in the fact that even those silver screen supermen and superwomen are also experiencing the same thing as they are. I am not surprised by a very very high divorce rate. The expectation we place on ourselves being the best and perfect couple living a dream life with always in love and not even a though about another. that is a tall order and when rubber meets the road those Cinderella slippers don't take you very far. I have not checked the stats on this but I believe the second marriages are hugely successful compared to the first only because people are more realistic and less dreamy after the first break-up.
As far as porn is concerned, I think we are discussing it like a monolith. Stereotyping the actors and viewers. It is such a huge industry (about 14 Billion USD, just did a quick google) with multiple players and styles and viewership. There is no doubt a huge chunk of porn that is just pure evil and negative and plain wrong. But I personally like to think some of the porn very beneficial for the psychological health of humanity. There is so much sexual stimulus thrown at your way and there is so much suppressive message from the religion and other well intentioned folks. There has to be some safe outlet for the men. A healthy porn provides that clean and safe outlet for the repressed men. No wonder they say that prostitution is the oldest profession. These conflicts are not new they are deeply seated in men mind.
These are just my thoughts and observations of the society in general. There are honorable exceptions for sure. I believe we each have to find the answers in our own lives and what works for you.
But it all starts with being honest with yourself and laying it all out there. I believe this thread is playing a role with that healing process of observing and accepting yourself and others...