Facing the Shadow

[βαθμιαίος]

Hi volicon, and welcome to the forum.

Thank you very much for your honesty and bravery in sharing what you did.

I think you're on the right track in attempting to integrate your shadow side. I'm not sure how familiar you are with the Ra material, but there are a couple of quotes that might be relevant.

• 18.5 ...We have found it to be inappropriate in the extreme to encourage the overcoming of any desires, except to suggest the imagination rather than the carrying out in the physical plane, as you call it, of those desires not consonant with the Law of One; this preserving the primal distortion of free will.
  
• 32.2 ...The usual nature of sexual interaction, if one is yellow or orange in primary vibratory patterns, is one of blockage and then insatiable hunger due to the blockage. When there are two selves vibrating in this area the potential for polarization through the sexual interaction is begun, one entity experiencing the pleasure of humiliation and slavery or bondage, the other experiencing the pleasure of mastery and control over another entity. In this way a sexual energy transfer of a negative polarity is experienced.
  

I think facing one's shadow side does involve working with monsters. For me, it seems to happen in dreams -- I have the opportunity to choose how to respond to the monster: fear it, fight it, run away from it or turn and embrace it.

I don't know if this is helpful at all; if not, please pay it no heed.