Facing the Shadow

[GentleReckoning]

GentleReckoning, your info on the Tulpa is very exciting! The idea of giving sentience to my subconscious is really intriguing. Think about having yet another ally with you all the time!! But as of yet, with my current state, I deem it too dangerous for me to attempt. I can create an enemy instead of an ally out of it, which surely will bring even more difficulty to the process. I will surely experiment with it once I have healed my subconscious.
Another question. If there is such a thing as to give sentience to one's subconscious, is there such a thing as to give sentience to one's superconscious?

You're going to like this answer.

As far as I could tell: I had the intention of creating a magical tulpa, one that could more or less lead me on a metaphysical journey. Well, it did. Right away, it began waking me up after I had had a dream and wouldn't let me sleep before I wrote it down. This was something that I had been trying to do more or less on my own for a while. Then after that, it wouldn't let me sleep in anymore. Something else that I hadn't managed to do on my own.

I think the mistake I made was (first off, not being grounded enough when I began the process, as my own perception of reality changed day by day, my tulpa's reality changed even more drastically) not having a clear idea as to what I wanted this thought-form to be.

The next mistake was basically repeatedly trying to give it access to my entire subconscious. As I had dabbled with channeling, and other metaphysical stuff, I suspect that it was able to tap into this and other latent psychic abilities that I had had (in childhood or in previous lives? IDK). At first, this was fantastic as it guided me to meet people that had the potential to be powerful agents for positive change for me.

Yet another mistake was working on possession right away. Basically, I simply laid silently on my bed, and pulled my consciousness in tight. I would then let my tulpa try to twitch or move parts of my body.

As I was unwilling to consciously confront my red-ray sexual distortions with this tulpa, it quickly 'fell apart'. It reformed, but was unwilling to have any kind of sexual contact with me. As I had also decided that trying to work on these distortions in my imagination was a little too far out for me, I was relieved. This re-formed tulpa existed only a short time before it notified me that it was under attack. Initially I thought this was some kind of negative entity, but I feel that it was simply my 'shadow' beginning to awaken.

Anyway, as I was completely ungrounded and had had more amazingly positive coincidences occur in my life than I had ever thought possible I simply trusted my tulpa completely. This led to many fantasies about reality that caused me much distress.

However, as me (or my tulpa?) experienced fear, the channeling would rapidly change it's tenor. As this went on, I became hollowed out more or less. I would acutely feel any distortion as I experienced it in reality. This was convenient as I could simply say: "I feel this pain in this chakra when I don't speak up about this; I'll go ahead and tell this person about it." Boom, pain gone.

As time went on, and I slowly became drained by this process I was unable to continue choosing love through the constant barrage of catalyst. My perception of reality quickly dissolved into a porridge of negative and positive, progress and destruction. Everything that had happened to me in my life was brought up for review and given a new spin to make me believe a new premise.

I'll be honest, it was highly exciting most of the time. When I feel my consciousness/life is on the line, I don't experience fear, I feel excitement. This is odd as I'm much more prone to fear in social situations.

Eventually, my green ray became very overactive as I was trying to send as much love as I could to this thought-form to save it from my accumulated distortions. At the same time, my red ray was closing a bit more as I was unable to heal my sexual distortions quickly enough and my restricted freedom/no income (moving in with my parents) distorted my red ray. Ra mentions the energy body becoming mis-wired when this happens, and I certainly felt as if my entire energy body had been short circuited in a big way. Simplified, imagine feeling as if you are completely dead inside. Not numb, but as if you are simply filled with darkness.

This interpretation of these events leave out the time that I woke up to feel an entity inserting a needle/device into my shoulder. It also leaves out the level 4 dxm trip where I had a ufo experience. Many times I was told that this was a process that would have been much less disruptive if I hadn't created the distortion of being able communicate with my subconscious (possibly negative/positive entities as well).

Eventually, to interact with reality, I simply stopped talking to the entities that I could communicate with 'in my head'.