The Guilt Distortion

[reeay]

The story behind 'guilt' is always interesting. Lot of times I encounter this sense of failed expectation, which then could inform person that he/she is incompetent, unworthy, unloveable person, etc.,. Guilt itself is a useful tool to see what our expectations are and where we learned it, why we believe it. Once it starts to inform a person of who he or she is (e.g., the belief that one is incompetent, unworthy, unlovable, etc.,) that's when I think it becomes more of an intense catalyst.

Also, with guilt there could be a deeper, more intense experience of shame.

I guess there could be difference between taking responsibility and looking at catalyst as an opportunity to learn, and, taking responsibility for everything while being highly critical of self and demanding of self to fulfill expectations. When positively reframed as an opportunity for self-understanding, there are more options/opportunities for growth. When taken negatively as a way to measure/judge self it could be like slapping onself repeatedly.

And so, I think it's useful to look at one's expectations and to increase self-compassion by deconstructing the expectations one has constructed thruout one's life span. To have self-compassion means to understand the aspect of self that have these expectations and emotional reactions to catalyst and understanding how this guilt came to be. Often times we construct these expectations based on our learnings from family, society, and such. The expectation is universally and semi-consciously or unconsciously applied to each situation, even when expectation is not applicable.

When catalyst is taken as opportunity to learn, we can learn from our past choices then be more aware of our actions in the moment. When I feel guilt pop up in my consciousness I acknowledge it 'I feel guilty again, there's something here' then it goes away. Then later I can get down to really understanding where it came from and what pattern is being played out.

I use imagination as a way to play out situations where I experience guilt and then rewind, replay, reflect on the images/thoughts/emotions that emerge. I ask myself, to what extent am I really responsible here? What are these expectations/rules that are implicit (covert) that I need to make more conscious? Where did these expectations or beliefs come from? Where did I learn this? Does it apply to me/to the current situation?