Feeling the Pangs of Being Single

[Jeremy]

I guess I'll respond since I was probably the reason this was posted after my little dramatic ramblings in chat last night lol.

Anyways, it's hard to explain a connection so deep, so engrained, and so powerful that it leaves one powerless once it's been taken away. Not out of loneliness like one would think. Sure, there are times of loneliness don't get me wrong but it's something deeper. It's as if you have literally lost a piece of yourself. A piece that one takes for granted far too often when the goings are good and a piece one despises when they are going bad. I tried for quite some time to hate this person after all that had been done to me, us, and our family. After the hate subsided, I found forgiveness which brought a new found sense of peace. A peace that was incredible even in solitude.

Even during the times of solitude when I never contemplated a possible reconciliation and accepted it as just another lesson learned then proceeded to envision a life with another, something always brought me back. Even after all of the hell, all the heartache, all of the realization that we just weren't meant to be, something always told me that I was wrong. There was always this little voice saying that she was always the one. Despite having an earth shattering vision of this, I still refused to believe it as we were like water and oil for the most part for a while. Despite my fervent attempts at being civil, our discussions would eventually degrade into an all out vicious name calling battle. That was until she became ill.

Once she was hospitalized for a few days, we started talking more. We both made promises not to argue again. We also accepted what had happened was in the past. We both admitted that we were still meant to be together. She would later admit that she just isn't herself without me. Though she is still with another, I have let her know that she has a few months until my lease is up on whether she would like to try again.

Then today, she informed me that she was being taken to the hospital again with some of the same respiratory symptoms as last time. During this time, I asked her to keep me informed but kept my feelings subdued for the most part. I then open facebook and the first post is my horoscope which read "It's time to take the bull by the horns. Get back in touch with that certain someone who's been missing from your life for far too long. Don't be afraid to make the first move."

So with that I did. She sent me a text saying how there were several times where she thought her whole life was one big lesson and that she felt like she was marked as if bad things just happened to her. I explained that it wasn't necessarily bad things happening only to her but that some have chosen to have a more difficult life along with those who live a life of ease choosing to be so because they are asleep. I explained that when one realizes that there must be more to life and certain difficulties are lesson based, ones lesson become more difficult or that situations become more difficult if one has strayed from the intended path. I then informed her that we are on such a path and I couldn't be happier or more joyful to be on such a path together, with her.

It took her a few attempts to understand it but she did once she translated it in her own understanding and ended with I love you so we shall see what the future holds.