what did you learn today?

[xise]

I learned today that it's acceptable to be a harmful influence.

Background: I had the other thought the other day that perhaps I occasionally give the wrong suggestions when my mother comes to me seeking spiritual advice. That immediately created a huge discomfort in my orange ray. I first dealt with it by telling myself that I wasn't a harmful influence, and to not think so pessimistically. The orange ray discomfort did not diminish.

After some meditation, I went over a variety of issues, including considering whether I would accept myself if I scored lower than I wanted on my upcoming gmat, or whether I can accept myself for being in a marathon job search, and or whether I should be exercising more, or whether I should be studying more, the orange ray discomfort was not affected. A situation came to mind from many years ago where I hurt a girl because I was not ready for a real relationship and how I regret how I treated her and felt something in my orange.

I then proceeded to ponder if this memory had a connection to my experience yesterday. And I realized that I deeply want to be a constructive influence in other people's lives. But the fact remains, that, it's a part of life to be a harmful influence, whether intentional or not, and to accept that. I trust myself enough to know I'm a worthwhile being regardless of what I do.

The energetic discomfort in the orange dissipated. I would say this is a further examination of the concept I posted in this thread earlier about accepting that you will disappoint yourself and others.