self-deception (self misunderstanding) in choosing service

[Jade]

I think rie really helped put it into perspective for my limited view. I think we all know people who are good people, but who have been hurt too many times to behave in what we see as a true STO nature. These people have probably never learned/experienced unconditional love, and therefore the conditional love that they do offer is definitely more of an STS type of love. "This must be done for me in this way or else I will unhinge and release my wrath." They are definitely in self-preservation mode and can really only focus on what makes themselves feel better and hardly not at all about how their behavior affects others.

I do think it is definitely from a place of self-worth. If you have no value in yourself, it is hardly possible to find value in others. If you can't even process your own emotions, then you can't be expected to have empathy to contemplate someone else's. I think this situation might be one of the scariest "traps" to fall into in 3-D: truly desiring unity, but too stressed by outside conflicts to be able to consider such as a possible outcome.

Thanks for the help dealing with specific catalyst that I'm currently undergoing by allowing me to find another space to put compassion for the snake that is trying to bite me on the ankles.