Generally dis-satisfied with this illusion.

[GentleReckoning]

So, as I grow as a seeker and potentially gain in knowledge and a smidge of wisdom every now and then, I increasingly run into the dissatisfaction with this illusion.

Someone will say something and I will just explain how I view it and they will usually accept that whatever I say is true. This leads to a deep restlessness deep in my soul where I want to run around shouting: "Wake up! Wake up! All of this is so simple!" I want people in my life that challenge MY thinking and lead me on intellectual roller-coaster rides. It may just be that I tune out whenever other people are talking, but they take SO LONG to explain simple things.

This is such a recurring theme recently in my life that I've almost stopped being interested in meeting spiritual people. There's so much 'extra' stuff that people have added to their view of reality, when in reality the essentials are quite straightforward.

The most frustrating part is that I lived in fear and isolation for so long that I find myself becoming very stressed out and afraid around people that I've met recently that I have shared myself around. I'd cut off my friends and family from who I truly felt I was, and now when I share my 'true' self with others I feel unaccepted, fearful, and fake.

So, I'm not really depressed. I'm simply observing the rules of the game and looking at my pieces and saying to myself: "Well, this is a pretty silly situation I find myself in. Why can't I just start over?"

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I guess overall, I feel very top-heavy. I've plumbed the depths of information relating to the fundamentals of reality without first balancing the lower rays. I was simply insatiably curious and felt strongly that I had a 'mission'. Now I feel like half of me is a wizard, and the other half is a fearful little child. Merging the two will simply take time, and I'm simply incredibly impatient.

QQ