Generally dis-satisfied with this illusion.

[ScottK]

So, as I grow as a seeker and potentially gain in knowledge and a smidge of wisdom every now and then, I increasingly run into the dissatisfaction with this illusion.
....

I very much resonate with what you said for prior periods in my life growing up as a major introvert. Many struggle with what you are feeling for their entire lives.

What got me out of the kind of mode you are in was learning how to be a "lighthouse" for those around me, and to not take myself so seriously. When I started to get good at that, I learned better how to accept others and others began wanting to be around me. Thus, much of my fear has gone away. It is a continual lifelong challenge for me though.

If it was easy, anybody could do it. I don't think it's supposed to be easy though.