12-19-2013, 04:37 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-19-2013, 04:39 PM by GentleReckoning.)
You're spot on. Thanks for being honest.
I'm working with a SAD regarding interacting with females on any level. Every single friendship with a female has been taken away from me due to sex/guilt/shame/pain. I fell in love with someone that was seeing my friend the entire time that we were dating. When she broke up with me and dated my best friend, he expressed his insecurity and she refused to see me. Since that point I've felt that I have to compete with every male in my life for any kind of affection from a female. (friendship or otherwise) At the same time, I felt that I was strong enough to handle this and that if I started dating someone there would be someone else in the world that would end up going through what I had gone through. Remember, these are unconscious beliefs that are at the same time the foundation for lifelong work. Typing them out may make them seem silly, but when your life is controlled by them it gets kind of messy.
So, if I seemed a bit down and depressed... it was probably because I really enjoyed spending time with Brittany Lynn and had the unconscious belief that by repressing myself around you and her I was somehow allowing your friendship with her. It also didn't help that I expressed interest in someone else and was more or less shot down.
So when it comes to any interaction where there is the opposite sex I have a huge gaping victim mentality going on that I'm working through. It isn't fun, it isn't rewarding, but week by week, I feel better and better. And eventually, I hope to heal and be able to guide people through their own difficulties in expressing themselves in society.
I'm working with a SAD regarding interacting with females on any level. Every single friendship with a female has been taken away from me due to sex/guilt/shame/pain. I fell in love with someone that was seeing my friend the entire time that we were dating. When she broke up with me and dated my best friend, he expressed his insecurity and she refused to see me. Since that point I've felt that I have to compete with every male in my life for any kind of affection from a female. (friendship or otherwise) At the same time, I felt that I was strong enough to handle this and that if I started dating someone there would be someone else in the world that would end up going through what I had gone through. Remember, these are unconscious beliefs that are at the same time the foundation for lifelong work. Typing them out may make them seem silly, but when your life is controlled by them it gets kind of messy.
So, if I seemed a bit down and depressed... it was probably because I really enjoyed spending time with Brittany Lynn and had the unconscious belief that by repressing myself around you and her I was somehow allowing your friendship with her. It also didn't help that I expressed interest in someone else and was more or less shot down.
So when it comes to any interaction where there is the opposite sex I have a huge gaping victim mentality going on that I'm working through. It isn't fun, it isn't rewarding, but week by week, I feel better and better. And eventually, I hope to heal and be able to guide people through their own difficulties in expressing themselves in society.