Generally dis-satisfied with this illusion.

[Unbound]

You're spot on. Thanks for being honest.

I'm working with a SAD regarding interacting with females on any level. Every single friendship with a female has been taken away from me due to sex/guilt/shame/pain. I fell in love with someone that was seeing my friend the entire time that we were dating. When she broke up with me and dated my best friend, he expressed his insecurity and she refused to see me. Since that point I've felt that I have to compete with every male in my life for any kind of affection from a female. (friendship or otherwise) At the same time, I felt that I was strong enough to handle this and that if I started dating someone there would be someone else in the world that would end up going through what I had gone through. Remember, these are unconscious beliefs that are at the same time the foundation for lifelong work. Typing them out may make them seem silly, but when your life is controlled by them it gets kind of messy.

So, if I seemed a bit down and depressed... it was probably because I really enjoyed spending time with Brittany Lynn and had the unconscious belief that by repressing myself around you and her I was somehow allowing your friendship with her. It also didn't help that I expressed interest in someone else and was more or less shot down.

So when it comes to any interaction where there is the opposite sex I have a huge gaping victim mentality going on that I'm working through. It isn't fun, it isn't rewarding, but week by week, I feel better and better. And eventually, I hope to heal and be able to guide people through their own difficulties in expressing themselves in society.

That was really heartfelt, thanks for sharing that with me, I feel I understand more what you were and perhaps in some ways still are going through. I am here if you would ever desire assistance or support either with release or just to bounce off of. I am not perfect, I too get jealous and for me it revolves around when women express their desire for men but because of traits that I feel they wish I had but do not, or have no interest or whatever. Although I am realizing that more it is anguish at myself for not tapping potential I know exists within me.

Also, the friendship and connection that Brittany and I have is our responsibility and though others may alter our lives and our perspectives, it is ever between us that the qualities of our relationship are decided. This is the same for you and I, and you and her, and like-wise in all interactions between peoples and creatures. Consider the balance of power and flow of love in in this way, if you find interest in it. Much love to you, my friend.

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I will take you up on that offer when I can physically spend some time with you.

I've developed some serious ADD when it comes to learning things when I'm not physically with another human being. We'll see what where the future leads!

Also, it's easy to play the victim card as that's how I was then. I'm doing much better now but it takes a while for changes to the mental body to filter down to the emotions and express themselves in the physical.

Patience is a useful ally aha I agree, I much prefer to teach in person, and actually that has just sparked a new idea for me! I know how you feel, I have experienced that in my own capacities for sure aha I have faith in you, my friend.

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Also, you will have to give me an explanation of your perception of the bodies and the way they filter between eachother as I have noticed you saying certain things which I think hint that you have some more complexity to you than you let on.