The Mission

[Steppingfeet]

And I also want to mention that it doesn't matter anymore if I die tomorrow, or by some other reasons never reach this goal. Because I remember, and that is all which is important. There is a clear air around my path now, as to knowing where to go - and, all else is up to the intelligent infinity. The outcome of this plan never mattered in the first place.

Great post, Ankh!

I'm so happy that you have gained this sort of understanding and insight into the purpose motivating your incarnation here. Like you write above, it must come as such a relief.

I have sought similar. While I have a strong hunch that I am serving roughly within the parameters intended before incarnation, there is still an intense pull to discover something more, something... else, you might say. I don't' know to what extent the desire stems from something real, or is rather a certain narrative that I've adopted and superimposed over my actual pre-incarnational goals, but it is there nevertheless.

I've felt though that to be in harmony with ones pre-incarnational plan, like you describe, would necessarily bring a level of peace, calm, and certainty. Which wouldn't mean I suddenly have all the answers, or am no longer confused by life, or am free from suffering. But I would have that bedrock of knowing that, no matter how the storms blow, there is no longer any self-doubt – I am doing what I came here to do, and to be.

As it now stands, there are waves of the most intense and (as I internally perceive these things) cruel catalyst that just absolutely inundate me. On the outside I go about my business and the duties of my day, but on the inside there is a concentration of raw, energetic pain, like an injury that's been reactivated. It is complex energy field with emotions of being lost, feeling inadequate to the task, feeling alone in a threatening and cold world that will... I don't know... crush me alive. It is a life-sized ball of dread/anxiety/terror/fear, and there is a crying out for relief or escape, but there is literally no "place", inner or outer, to go.

I don't know it's source, but I wonder if understanding and knowing my purpose her would ameliorate the intensity of this inner terror because I would experience that "clear air around my path" you describe.

At any rate, the seeking continues. Thanks for all your own hard work through the valleys and trenches of sorrow, dear Ankh. I hope your feet grow stronger in this walk. : )