The Mission

[Steppingfeet]

I don't know it's source, but I wonder if understanding and knowing my purpose her would ameliorate the intensity of this inner terror because I would experience that "clear air around my path" you describe.

hehe...knowing your purpose her?

"her"… "here"…. may be synonyms when you consider the her-ness of planet Earth. :-)

(That's how I'm playing off my typo as if it was intentional. )

GLB, I certainly can relate to the waves your describing, I know them well!
For as long as I can remember I've had this 'scene' in my mind where someone walks up to me and says; "what in the world do you think you're doing!?, don't you know you're here to (...)"
Well, I suppose that's just wishful thinking. But it's frustrating as hell to feel so restless at times, without knowing why, or the absolute 'cluelessness' about which way to turn next.

Ha! I've had similar fancy in this undying hope that I would cross paths with a genuinely enlightened being who would take me in and train me, much like Christian Bale's learning to become Batman up in the mountain cave.

Okay, not quite like that, but you get the gist. : )

Nice to see this thread again, and I too can heavily relate to what GLB said. I've found it easier now to negotiate this reality and thoughts of what was chosen pre-incarnation. I now believe everything is as it was chosen. Everything that happens is/was my choice. This is the reality that got made, from all the random thoughts and emotions swirling about, this world as it is right now is the one I chose to be on, the one I loved the most to happen, despite whatever temporary feeling I may have now. I accept that choice.

You have, in effect, stopped resisting or reduced the resistance to the moment, to what IS. I think what you describe is one way of expressing this non-resistance in that you claim responsibility for that which you are experiencing.

Eckhart Tolle says as much, suggesting that one accept that which is transpiring in this moment as if it had been chosen by you. Such a simple sounding practice and realization, such a sometimes impossible task. : )