Disappointed Expectations

[Melissa]

I've always been confused about my feeling of disappointment as I didn't expect anything in the first place, when in truth the only thing I do expect is to be disappointed. Life is inherently disappointing -has been my 'protection' from actual disappointment caused by other-selves. No wonder why I only attract people/circumstances who will 'prove' this belief to be true. Same goes for self-sabotaging behavior to make sure that other-selves won't expect anything other than disappointment from me. These beliefs (and feeling unworthy) have been so deeply ingrained that I'm often not aware of what I'm actually thinking. It takes a significant amount of time for me to address these things as they only seem to surface after quite 'extreme' catalyst (yes, 'extreme' is fairly accurate) which I find truly exhausting, all in all. Sometimes I wonder what in the world happened before I decided to incarnate here.