Choosing sadness

[Steppingfeet]

Only recently have I been making a conscious effort to make positive change in my life in order to live more beautifully. I can sincerely say I want happiness/want to be happy. For the longest time however I was stuck in unhealthy patterns of thought and was unwilling to make positive change regardless of oppurtunity. I'm still afflicted with such thought patterns but they are significantly weaker. I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness? I used to feel as though my pain was what gave me worth as a human being and without it I would be worthless. I'm sure theres much more to it than that but I'm hard pressed to think of a fuller answer. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Only recently have I been making a conscious effort to make positive change in my life in order to live more beautifully. I can sincerely say I want happiness/want to be happy. For the longest time however I was stuck in unhealthy patterns of thought and was unwilling to make positive change regardless of oppurtunity. I'm still afflicted with such thought patterns but they are significantly weaker. I suppose I'm wondering why someone would choose sadness over happiness? I used to feel as though my pain was what gave me worth as a human being and without it I would be worthless. I'm sure theres much more to it than that but I'm hard pressed to think of a fuller answer. Any help is greatly appreciated.

I think that's a good question to ask. Another question that helps plumb the situation even more deeply is to ask, "What is the root cause of suffering?" Or, "Why do I and why do we suffer?"

There's a whole lot to say on this matter. One aspect I would like to address at the moment is the notion of "choice" in your question. While I agree with the Confederation's philosophical stance which says that the entity and only the entity is ultimately responsible for the generation of their experience and reality, I'm not so sure that the word "choice" conveys what most people are doing when they are unhappy or suffering.

I believe that most who suffer, myself included, aren't precisely choosing, least as we might understand "choosing". To pay better respect to the nuances of the predicament, perhaps it is helpful to consider that suffering/unhappiness is resulting from a) unconscious patterns in motion and b) identification with those unconscious, mostly mental patterns.

Those unconscious patterns tend to be seeking fulfillment in some future, imagined, desired condition. Or tend to be fearing the imagined future. Or tend to be dwelling on things that didn't transpire as one desired in the perceived past. Or tend to be perpetually looking outward for scraps of pleasure, satisfaction, and meaning by chasing a desired arrangement of circumstance – meanwhile missing the only access point to happiness and the end of suffering: the Now; the unconditional surrender to the experience of this moment *regardless* of how it may or may not be manifesting.

Another way to respond to your question: people "choose" unhappiness by failing to accept What Is. The situation in this moment is as it is, and instead of recognizing its perfection, wholeness, and completeness, our unconscious mental patterns (with which we are more or less identified) are resisting the conditions, circumstances, and outer costumes of this moment. We are fundamentally saying "no" to life, and "no" to this moment.

The key, then, is to become increasingly conscious of the patterns that play themselves out in and through us. To know them, to accept them, and to realize that we are not them; we are the witnessing presence that is aware, that is only and forever in this eternal moment.

With love and light to you, Folk Love