Passing the time

[native]

The thing is that, I don't feel as though I can put in the effort to make such major changes to my thought patterns because, we'll, you guessed it. Its a vicious cycle really. I just can't imagine living like this for a long time.

What's funny is that we go through the same routine, just waiting for something new to happen. I've learned that if you want change to emerge you're going to have to break your routine and do things differently. That's common sense, but we just expect that one day things will just change yet they never do..which feeds the depression. The simple act of doing something you've never done or going somewhere different will set up new possibilities. I've suggested before about spending time outside. Maybe you could try gardening. You will encounter many like-minds by getting involved in local gardening/organic/permaculture groups. People conduct nature walks all the time..edible plant walks, herbalism walks etc.

Your tiredness and unwillingness to put in effort are symptoms of depression by the way. I used to come home from school and sleep until dinner! You're going to have to put in effort to fix that depression. You've shown interest in understanding the deeper nature of mind, so you might want to look into zen buddhism or daoism. Browse some books or watch some youtube videos by Eckhart Tolle or Alan Watts. Thich Nhat Hanh is a good beginning point also. I haven't read Stephen Batchelor's books yet, but I've browsed through Buddhism Without Beliefs and Living with the Devil, which both look good.