02-27-2009, 12:51 AM
(01-24-2009, 01:59 AM)Bring4th_Monica Wrote: How do you balance honoring their free will with necessary discipline? I never did figure that one out!
This was the exact question I asked for my 30 minute spot at the last Homecoming forum in 2008! I got 30 minutes of suggestions from almost everybody.
The most helpful suggestions came from two members Carla and Gerri (who ironically have only had indirect parenting experience). But it has helped me sooo immensely in my parenting.
Carla talked about her little brother, who was born when she was 15 and was under her care as a tot. When he would display inappropriate behavior in public, she would explain that whatever behavior he was displaying was inappropriate (in public) and that if he would like to continue with his yelling, crying, tantrum, etc. that he needed to do that at home. If he persisted, she dropped everything (left the theater after the tickets were bought, left the store and everything to be purchased on the counter) and just went home.
It takes some guts to do this when you're a harried mom, but the great thing is you only have to do it a couple of times and the message gets through! Saying, "if "A" does or does not happen, than "B" approach needs to be taken" and following through with "B" really works. But you HAVE to do "B" if you say you're going to.
In this situation, the child has the free will to carry out his/her feelings and desire to behave a certain way, and you are respecting your needs to have it happen in the appropriate place (car, home, outside, in his/her room, wherever).
The second advice was in the form of a book that you can get used for really cheap online called Parenting With Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. They have great advice, similar to Carla's above in nature, that allows the child to grow and learn in their own way with many freedoms and yet allows the parents to have their household guidelines followed.
It seems LOO inspired. I have used this book's methods with wonderful results (which are ageless and can even be applied to spouses, co-workers, people in general) because its basis of approach is respect for both the needs and best interest of the child and the parent, not just trying to control a child by force and exerting your will because you are the mom and that's why.
Thank you all for your great posts. This thread is very near to my heart as a parent traveling the STO LOO path.