03-22-2014, 07:50 AM
Looking back, I honestly don't have many memories of my parents as we never really did anything together. My mother left my biological father when I was 11 months old and he gave up his rights once my mother remarried when I was 4 so the father I have now is the only father I have known. Despite this, I still call him by his name instead of dad because, well, the word dad still signifies a biological relationship for some reason. I remember when the married so it's not like I didn't know at the time that he wasn't my biological father.
Growing up, we never went on vacations or family outings mainly because they didn't have that kind of money and what money they did have was spent on spoilin us with toys to make up for it I guess. They never managed their money well anyways but looking back, I never understood why we didn't do much together. I do know that later once I moved out and my fathers business started to boom, they went on many trips but I was already out on my own which left me feeling left out which brings me to my next point
I always felt left out even though that couldn't be farther from the truth from their perspective. Once my mom remarried, they had two kids but I look nothing like my mother so I looked nothing like any of my family. I showed many Indian attributes with my dark complexion and brown eyes whereas they were fair skinned with blue eyes.
Once I reached my preteen years , I just felt as if I was adopted the entire time. Combined with the fact that we lived in a very rural part of town equaled quite the lack of friends and loneliness. I had one really friend through elementary school and luckily I rode the bus to and for school with him to which my mother drove me to and picked me up from his house. I remember having the idea of going through my parents files and seeing if I could find adoption papers because I was convinced that these weren't my parents. I even specifically remember when my family was coming to see me play baseball and they were in a pretty bad accident. My parents were transported to the hospital and my little brother had to be flown by helicopter. When my aunt and a police officer showed up and told me, I never cried and even though I was only 9 or so, I remember wondering why I wasn't even upset.
Once I reached 12-14, I acquired a couple more best friends and we did everything together. One of them had a family cabin in the woods on a river where we were lucky enough to spend the majority of summer breaks by ourselves since our parents knew there was nowhere we could go without walking a significant distance so we canoed and swam in the crystal clear waters of a spring fed river (more like an oversized creek or tributary that fed into an actual river)
Once high school hit, my parents were all but gone to me. They basically provided food and shelter for me. I was all about my friends, new girlfriend, and a plethora of LSD and weed. I was always at one of their houses instead of my own. My parents allowed me to have quite the loose leash so to speak and I used every inch of it lol. Once my grades took a dive and I started acting up a bit, they tightened the reigns a bit but I was already looking for a way out. So once I turned 19 and my new girlfriend which I ended up marrying got an apartment as soon as possible.
We've definitely become a bit closer since I've had to move back in there a couple times after all the hell I went through with my ex but there still is this glaring difference between us. I definitely talk more and open up to them more but I still only talk to them once every few weeks or a month. I've just always had this incredibly free spirit where I've never felt like I had to depend on them unless it was absolutely necessary. I do think thy showed me the proper amount of love throughout my childhood but I just always knew something just wasn't quite right with the current configuration of my life.
Growing up, we never went on vacations or family outings mainly because they didn't have that kind of money and what money they did have was spent on spoilin us with toys to make up for it I guess. They never managed their money well anyways but looking back, I never understood why we didn't do much together. I do know that later once I moved out and my fathers business started to boom, they went on many trips but I was already out on my own which left me feeling left out which brings me to my next point
I always felt left out even though that couldn't be farther from the truth from their perspective. Once my mom remarried, they had two kids but I look nothing like my mother so I looked nothing like any of my family. I showed many Indian attributes with my dark complexion and brown eyes whereas they were fair skinned with blue eyes.
Once I reached my preteen years , I just felt as if I was adopted the entire time. Combined with the fact that we lived in a very rural part of town equaled quite the lack of friends and loneliness. I had one really friend through elementary school and luckily I rode the bus to and for school with him to which my mother drove me to and picked me up from his house. I remember having the idea of going through my parents files and seeing if I could find adoption papers because I was convinced that these weren't my parents. I even specifically remember when my family was coming to see me play baseball and they were in a pretty bad accident. My parents were transported to the hospital and my little brother had to be flown by helicopter. When my aunt and a police officer showed up and told me, I never cried and even though I was only 9 or so, I remember wondering why I wasn't even upset.
Once I reached 12-14, I acquired a couple more best friends and we did everything together. One of them had a family cabin in the woods on a river where we were lucky enough to spend the majority of summer breaks by ourselves since our parents knew there was nowhere we could go without walking a significant distance so we canoed and swam in the crystal clear waters of a spring fed river (more like an oversized creek or tributary that fed into an actual river)
Once high school hit, my parents were all but gone to me. They basically provided food and shelter for me. I was all about my friends, new girlfriend, and a plethora of LSD and weed. I was always at one of their houses instead of my own. My parents allowed me to have quite the loose leash so to speak and I used every inch of it lol. Once my grades took a dive and I started acting up a bit, they tightened the reigns a bit but I was already looking for a way out. So once I turned 19 and my new girlfriend which I ended up marrying got an apartment as soon as possible.
We've definitely become a bit closer since I've had to move back in there a couple times after all the hell I went through with my ex but there still is this glaring difference between us. I definitely talk more and open up to them more but I still only talk to them once every few weeks or a month. I've just always had this incredibly free spirit where I've never felt like I had to depend on them unless it was absolutely necessary. I do think thy showed me the proper amount of love throughout my childhood but I just always knew something just wasn't quite right with the current configuration of my life.