08-16-2010, 09:54 AM
I've struggled with extremely low self esteem pretty much my entire life. Probably because people were calling me crazy before I even knew what that word meant. I was never able to get on the train of what was considered "normal", or even "acceptable behavior" most of the time. After years of shrinks and uneasy glances I became convinced I was defective somehow. Most of the time I still feel that way. Yesterday my boss got really angry at me for spacing out and basically called me an idiot, and that stung all day. She wanted to know what on earth I was thinking about to make such a dumb mistake and I had no way of explaining my thought process to her. It still hurts really bad, even though it's something I should just be able to let go.
Basically, I feel the need to please everyone, to be acceptable to everyone, and that just isn't going to happen. For me it's a very intricate everyday process, trying to adjust my inner views of myself, because I know just hating myself and worrying there's something wrong with me is going to do nothing to make me feel better. It's hard to know when to sacrifice in order to serve others and when you need to be true to yourself and insist on doing something your way. I have little advice in this area, seeing how I struggle with it so badly, except to just keep working on it every day, a little at a time. Self esteem, like spiritual enlightenment, isn't something that just developes overnight. It is a constantly maintained state.
I wish us both luck in our quest to love ourselves and give respect to the valuable souls that we are.
Basically, I feel the need to please everyone, to be acceptable to everyone, and that just isn't going to happen. For me it's a very intricate everyday process, trying to adjust my inner views of myself, because I know just hating myself and worrying there's something wrong with me is going to do nothing to make me feel better. It's hard to know when to sacrifice in order to serve others and when you need to be true to yourself and insist on doing something your way. I have little advice in this area, seeing how I struggle with it so badly, except to just keep working on it every day, a little at a time. Self esteem, like spiritual enlightenment, isn't something that just developes overnight. It is a constantly maintained state.
I wish us both luck in our quest to love ourselves and give respect to the valuable souls that we are.