03-21-2009, 09:12 AM
All the time after and before this post I have been aware of a slightly nagging understanding. Some of my aim here is STS. I find the rank of "highly interesting individual" very good feeling, and I could not have brought myself to post here unless there was some of the STS desire for gratification. This happened on SOTT.net and I was banned... That was the beginning of a very great lesson which I am still learning - that of the Ego. Back then it was very bad and most of my post was dominated by my Ego. Now I feel that more of Soul is coming through, but there is still the knowledge that I have as of yet uncovered illusions, which I am working to bring into the light.
I posted this while being aware of my STS shadow, in the understanding that STO would result, even if the STS desire was key in its making. So I confess.
An inadvertent result of my gathering of knowledge has not only been understanding of how to serve, but also how to manipulate. These to sides of myself have both surfaced here in which I manipulated in order to receive a desired response, but that I also shared information which I considered very, very valuable.
I feel like the madman in the corner mumbling to himself. But I also know that there is light in what I have done. The good with the bad.
But I thought I read somewhere that 6th density was neutral concerning STS and STO. Maybe I am going in the right direction if I don't discriminate too emotionally between manipulation and service.
I feel like a Tai Chi, or a coin with two sides. I feel as if the coin is spinning and no side is dominating and that everyone is just watching the battle rage on.
This is a weird place to be. But I think I can turn it into an enlightening thing.
I hope I am not too interesting.
- Memorandem
I posted this while being aware of my STS shadow, in the understanding that STO would result, even if the STS desire was key in its making. So I confess.
An inadvertent result of my gathering of knowledge has not only been understanding of how to serve, but also how to manipulate. These to sides of myself have both surfaced here in which I manipulated in order to receive a desired response, but that I also shared information which I considered very, very valuable.
I feel like the madman in the corner mumbling to himself. But I also know that there is light in what I have done. The good with the bad.
But I thought I read somewhere that 6th density was neutral concerning STS and STO. Maybe I am going in the right direction if I don't discriminate too emotionally between manipulation and service.
I feel like a Tai Chi, or a coin with two sides. I feel as if the coin is spinning and no side is dominating and that everyone is just watching the battle rage on.
This is a weird place to be. But I think I can turn it into an enlightening thing.
I hope I am not too interesting.
- Memorandem