08-22-2010, 03:05 PM
(08-22-2010, 09:05 AM)Shemaya Wrote: I am wondering why I am having trouble with this full self acceptance and self forgiveness thing, though. I clearly have the intention to fully embrace and accept myself. I have been working with this problem for quite a long time.
I find myself still reacting strongly to the non-acceptance of others around me, when it happens...it's hard to keep my light shining when feeling judged or rejected.
I think there are very few people who do not have this response to the acceptance or rejection of others... You must understand we are evolved to care about the opinion of others. Basically if your tribe dislikes you, you die. You simply do not break the laws governing mammalian behavior because if you do.. You die... Not so much because other humans will kill you but because they won't make that extra effort to save you when you're in trouble, they will share their food and women with others first, and they will abandon you when you're wounded.
Imagine what millions of years of this being factually true will do to animal psychology? Our subconscious is hard wired to desire to be accepted by others. Just like we're hard wired to eat and breathe.
I guess what this means is that you should never blame yourself for responding to feeling judged or loved... And you can rest assured that every single one of us, apart from the damaged, do care a great deal. I used to blame myself for caring. I even denied I cared at times. Now I realize, I care, this is perfectly natural. And not as important in the world today as it used to be. So even though I care, I don't always have to act on this caring.
That said, there's still a lot possible about raising self esteem. And while this will never get us beyond being sensitive to other peoples judgments, it will give us more freedom and happiness, and that's the bottom line isn't it?
Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault, and it's very natural and common to be in this situation.