Sexual addiction! and Male-Female energy roles/energies

[Matt1]

I still have an issue with that distortion i guess. I believe i have mostly accepted it but still need to find balance in it. I started off watching cartoon videos as a teenager then progressed towards more fetish/BDSM style material. I understand the roots of my distortion as the lack of a loving relasonship and that porn creates a never ending desire of orange ray distortions. I tried to overcome this many time and with some success i was able to repress it for a time being but i would always end up going back, saying to my self i will just try and try again to overcome it. I guess i just accept it now but i think balance is mostly in order, however its difficult to balance such a distortion without access to a loving relasonship, i have never been in one before. I had thought about going to see a prostitute to experience some of my desire but i haven't gone through with such an experience nor do i wish to, as i understand that its not really the direct answer to the issue. Having lost a lot of weight and become more outgoing i would have thought a relasonship would have been easier but nothing has happened so far, i tried a dating website only to be rejected but countless profiles, half of them are probably fake but hey ho, what can one do but accept, learn and grow towards balance?