Reality Creation

[Night Owl]

There is really no limit to your capacity to break down things to a simple level anagogy. I wonder how did you find such balance? Is it only the result of the LOO or have you experienced extreme unbalance to reach such level of balance?

Thanks for the compliment.  I strive for clarity, but even the clearest map is not the territory.  Often in life I have been blessed to have a very clear map, but that doesn't mean I navigate the actual terrain as well as I can sometimes read the map.  I often fall ass backwards into negative contrast.  It's part of being human I suppose.  But I just do my best to interpret those experiences in a positive light and realize they are just bouncing off places for a new and improved states of being.  Get cut off in traffic?  Maybe the universe is delaying you from a car accident that would have occurred shortly thereafter otherwise.  Someone break up with you?  Maybe the universe has someone better in store for you.  Get fired from your job?  There is probably something even better on its way.  Sometimes when we ask the universe for new experiences, the old structure has to break down first before the new one can be fully realized.  So yeah, my experiences of imbalance clarify my understanding of balance.  That is one huge caveat about manifestation: you have to be willing to accept the new vibrations that fall outside of your comfort zone.  That is one of the trickiest parts to master in my opinion.

I think your analogy with peace and passion is more than on the spot. I have experienced passion to a level where it brings me down to depression. So I work toward peace instead. I had depression for a while and so knowing what it is I seek a way that doesn't go back there. There is no turning back. I prefer stillness than depression. My current state is somewhat strange in that knowing what depression is I don't think I'm still depressed because I have found peace and soothed resistance with most of my existence. I am more in a state where I am a potential in stillness and I make choices out of not going back there, out of not creating more resistance because I know it's not useful but I also don't know what else to do. I end up finding peace when I have no desires because having them keeps them from happening and so I put more work into peace than passion since I crossed the LOO's path. My very few strong desires are not gone but perhaps I am not here to experience the manifestation of desires but to find peace. So I soothe resistance of what happens. But the result is strange in that I simultaneously experience an increase of passion for peace but a decrease in passion for what result happens. Until nothing happens. I have no resistance when nothing happens but instead the universe sends me some pressure where I should be wanting something and I wonder if I am the one who desires that unconsciously or if this is the distortions and resistance of someone else whose release of negative energy impact me. Or both. Since I really have a hard time finding a new desire to keep me going I figured it is much more related to someone else having an impact on me but yet at the source of all things I'm stuck with the why am I here question. I intentionally chose to incarnate here and forgot why and now that I'm here I miss the point. What is there to do when you find complete peace? Is it useful to experience distortion when you know peace? Peace is already hard enough to reach and understand.

Depression can be harsh.  Nobody wants it -- it is the choking off of life force, the cutting off of desire.  Peace, which I call absence of resistance with little desire is nice, but strong nonresistant and noncontradicted desire is even better in my view.

If you are having trouble identifying your true desires (which is also why you are here -- they are one and the same), all I can tell you is the way I figure out mine.  I basically just think to myself: if I had unlimited money, and unlimited time, what would capture my interest the greatest?  And I just sort of daydream about that and find myself drifting around interesting possibilities.  Just identify something extremely general and just gradually let the momentum of thought accumulate till it becomes more and more specific and defined.  You might start off with something as general as: I want to help people in some way.  And then you narrow down ways of helping that you find satisfying or interesting, and so on.  Or maybe you are just interested in music, and you just want to something involving music.  And then again, just keep entertaining the possibilities until they become more distilled.  The problem for most people is they say, "I want this.....but its not likely." So they attempt to be more practical, which drains the lifeforce and motivation from the ambition.  Also, no one has to carve out the ultimate desire, just find the best one you can find right now.  Maybe that is as simple as: what am I going to eat for lunch that I will most savor and enjoy today?  Those little experiences that result from clarifying desire are what put you in vibrational proximity to your great spiritual desires believe it or not.

First of all thanks for all that clarity. I guess I'm no different than you on the fact that I find it way easier to help somebody else clarify the map reading but when it comes to the travel even though I don't lose myself often it just happens sometimes. Lately I feel like 1 or 2 days a week I am really negative and it just takes me a day or two once I've decided I don't want to be negative and it's all cleared and then I feel really good. Like today I feel good. I also realized I may appear somewhat more negative than I really am because I' talking of stuff that happened in a relatively distant past and I'm just shaking some thoughts about the past in trying to understand myself better. These thoughts appear because lately I've been still a lot so there's not much to think about the present.

I've also come to think what I mean by not having desires is I feel like things really simple as eating or getting out of bed no longer feel like I want to do them but more like I have to. That can bring up some negativity. I don't necessary feel negative about those things in particular but when it comes to do them I heavily question the why it must be done.

Concerning my fondamental strong desires I think I can say these have just brought out frustration and has brought me to believe desires are no longer of positive benefit to me. These desires are so strong I just ain't ready to accept any alternatives. I'm completely fine not having them fullfilled in that I can be perfectly fine if I want to in any situation but I would not have energy in fullfilling any alternatives. And I wouldn't feel happy either, maybe just content. But I'm content already anyway. More importantly thinking about that made me realize one important thing. I realized that my parents raised me by negative reinforcement and that because of that, no matter how much I'd like to take control and responsability over my life, as strange as that may sound I have absolutely no clue how to manifest positivity. All the positivity that is part of my life happened by alternatives because I wasn't searching for it or because I didn't desire it. I am super strong in manifesting the negative because I've been taught how to perceive how negativity may come and so by trying not to make that happen it attracts it. All the positivity and the negativity I have in my life has happened because I tried to prevent negativity from happening. Even though I may be able to learn how to manifest positive I can't unlearn that. It's stuck with me for life until my incarnation ends. I think all I can do is make more room for different thinking but it'll always be there somewhere. I know how to make simple positive things happen by not having attachment to outcome but it is not happening with intentions.

In the end that's my problem if I really want to focus on making an important positive thing happen by intentions I am just not able to do that as of now. I have never been able to. Positive manifestation is a mystery to me. And I think what can bring more negativity out of me is when someone has expectations of me like I should do something. As simple as a request it may sound to the other it is just too much to ask of me as of now. I think that is also why any attempts at having discipline has completely failed and drained me of energy. And I know deep inside of me I will never be satisfied with alternatives that doesn't come from my own intentions. I don't want to live a life built up by someone else's negativity.

Now that I've found peace and some clarity how should I approach this? How can I learn to manifest positive? I guess I should start with basics and train the process?