Under attack... in desperate need of help...

[Mahakali]

a bunch of stuff

Yes, I have met them face-to-face. Some of them, anyways.

Depends on what you mean by "negative". If you're talking about service-to-self, and emphasis on chaos, entropy, disruption, subversion, and rejection of societal norms and consensus reality for the ultimate purpose of liberation from all bondage, even and especially earthly bondage. Then, yes. But how would you know? You haven't met me, and if you're looking through what I think you are looking through, you don't know much.

If you're talking about conformity to a particular set of standards that have become popular in Western society (LaVeyan-esque focus on materialism/greed/"matter over mind", reliance upon a particular type of social structure, emphasis on engaging in society and self-identification with the demiurge, emphasis on military culture, pro-realism and anti-escapism, pseudo-individualism, etc.), then, you're right, I'm not "negative". I think for myself. I'm of the opinion that most of those items are distractions used by the real occultists at the top of such structures to control the rest of them. If people are hooked into the idea that things have to be a certain way, then that can later be used to limit or control them. I don't think there actually have to be rules... Perhaps I don't conform to the standards set by some mandate or organization or list of rules used to control people, and I don't care to, and that's all right.

I think that the difference is ultimately in whether you wish to have a relationship with yourself, or with the macrocosm. Most people in the West who consider themselves Satanists or whatever are more interested in external reality, and are therefore RHP, however edgy they try to be. The point is to create a black hole in the geometric patterns and escape into fractal lawlessness. You can totally break the rules.

As I said in my previous reply, the vast majority of people in LHP groups aren't actually LHP. Most of them are just trained dogs convinced that they are LHP because they produce results for the people at the top.

I don't watch TV or anime. My profile pic is a reference to DBZ, which was my favorite show as a kid, and still gives me the warm fuzzies. I play video games a little bit.

Relinquish control? No, thanks. I'd rather die than give up the last thing I have.

Also, I'm going to throw some papers around my room just to spite you.

You can look at yourself as a victim of this program.  You can loathe what has happened and dread what is to come.  You can, in other words, provide opportunities for whomever wants to energize and accentuate your vulnerabilities.

Or you can look at yourself as having particular acute challenges right now.  You can build faith that, even if things suck, all is well.  You can practice loving and accepting those that exploit your weaknesses,  and learn to accept the deeper lessons of all of this suffering.

Or I could do neither, because that's a false dichotomy, and both are terrible options.

I could instead look at myself as refusing to be a victim of this program. I can deal with what appears to have happened and start deciding what is to come.

I could instead practice removing my weaknesses and striking back against people who think that I'm an easy target, because such people will not leave you alone unless you hit them hard - I've learned my lesson. I could build momentum so that all truly becomes well.

As far as suffering goes... there are lessons to be found there, but masochism for its own sake is not a lesson. That's just dumb. The point of suffering should be either to develop an emotions such as hatred, or to put the brakes on one's karmas. (Which it is absolutely not necessary to do, because karma isn't a punishment system, but suffering can speed spiritual development if taken in the proper context.)

I think that the only way anyone can hurt you is by you believing it into existence.

Or by resonating with it. So change the patterns in which you are vibrating.

You wrote that You would like to be happy. As far as I know, there’s no “happy” on the Self Serving path. There’s always tension, fight, hunger (for power, possessions, etc.) and there are always Masters and Slaves (in one form or another). I may be of course wrong, but to explore negativity is to explore such phenomenon.

You could assume that the 'human'-self is all of the stated above.
But once you step out of the box there is no going back, you know that you are infinite so why would I want to enslave others and harness power, for what? If the only thing I need is me, surrounded by nothingness be it. I am happy, I am loving.
After all, time is an illusion. Is it not?

I think it's just the desire to experience certain patterns in reality. I desire power and control; I crave it. I don't know why. The idea of service does not resonate with me.

I want an experience where I am completely in control, like a lucid dream. Enslaving "others" might be part of it, but that as a primary method is small potatoes compared to self-control.

Hey Mahakali,

I'm so sorry you're experiencing all this pain, but I'm so glad you're here asking for help, it's a great place where you'll find a wealth of knowledge and loving support. I don't think 1109 is trying to manipulate you in any way by suggesting this route- although I totally agree with you in that the mental health system can be a dangerous place to seek answers. However I think there are other options available to you outside of the allopathic healthcare system. I'd try looking in your area for energy healers, QHHT practitioners or the like. If you are under psychic attack these people will probably be able to help you find answers and insight into how to deal with it.

Sending positive vibes and love <3

Thanks.