Under attack... in desperate need of help...

[Aion]

Why not? I figure, my desire will create opportunities for me to be helped. Anything is possible. The only reason I'm in this situation in the first place is because of my personal resonance with self-pity, fear, masochism, and the like. I need to change.

Or is it just that separation is viewed as "negative" by some who follow the philosophy of the Law of One, and you don't want to help someone you see as diametrically opposed? I have made mistakes, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm not interested in harming people within this illusion; I view this as a bad dream, and I'm just trying to take myself to a place where I can be myself, nobody bothers me, and I bother nobody. I am looking for power in a selfish way, I suppose, because I just want to be happy and at peace, but not in an actively malicious way.

As far as the physical and spiritual alterations people have done to try to keep me from manifesting, even the people who did it - specifically, ones that felt bad for me - told me that they've seen people beat it. And indeed, it's attacking me ferociously, but I'm still going strong. And I've been able to break the rules. Because there aren't any rules. No spoon. Just me.

I understand all too well, I'm no stranger to these feelings in the slightest. Seek and ye shall find, but sometimes there are surprises, that's what I meant.

I fully appreciate your desires, but I am a little confused because you say here that you need to change and want to change, but then a few posts later you express fear of the loss of yourself and your currently perceived personality. I've always found it pretty difficult to change anything internally when I am so strongly attached to my identity.

You do realize that your external life is a reflection of your internal life and so as you say the reason this is happening is because of those resonances, but by the sounds of it you identify with those things as aspects of your identity so without being willing to alter those aspects of yourself how can you manifest a different state of reality?

Do you realize that hate, anger, etc is part of the consensus reality structure and the more you dwell there the more you are actually tuning in to the consensus? You are attached to the very things that to me appears to tie one to the consensus.

The consensus of the world is that of darkness, hatred and self-serving. If you truly want to break out of the mold you might have to take a different approach.

Note I don't say this in any judgement, I think you can be however you want and that is perfectly okay, but since you asked for help I am doing my best to do so based on my understanding of the mechanics at play.

I absolutely agree with you that all these things are possible, but I hope you don't take offense when I say it appears that you are shooting yourself in the foot in this regard with conflicting notions.