Must positive polarity awareness be sustained or can it be temporary to graduate?

[cel]

Lemme elaborate to get at the root as to why I’m over intellectualizing and why I am here today with a sense of urgency.

All you have to do is strive to feel empathy with your fellow man. When others hurt, do you hurt also? When others feel joy do you feel it with them? Harvestability is about feeling what others feel, and because of that, what they feel matters to you. It is the first step towards unity, becoming one in heart with our other societal selves.

Our capacity for feeling is in itself an insatiable and bottomless abyss.  That was my experience with empathy.  I was drunk like Bacchus on the liquor of empathy which is why I need my mood stabilizer to keep me grounded.  Now I barely feel any empathy at all - - ever. So again, I feel like I’m lost, that I’m not gonna make the fourth density jump when Harvest happens.

I wish there were a way to somehow precisely measure what percentage service-to-others polarity I’m sitting at.  Obviously no such device exists.  And I can’t trust my intuition because my intuition tells me something different depending on the context when I ask myself the question. Some days, when I’m in the “creativity zone” - - as I pray contemplating my life purpose, as I’m listening to sacred music, as I’ve got caffeine and other legal stimulants flowing through my veins - - I know I’m a higher density soul from another planet who incarnated here on planet Earth to serve humanity as catalyst, by compassionately inspiring as many of my peers as possible.  But during my selfish, slothful, unproductive off days, I feel like a failure, that I’ve let my soul group down, that I’m not worthy of drinking from the cup of wine, or in other words, that I’m not worthy of fourth density.   I did mention my mood stabilizer which is necessary to keep me grounded but it also takes away much of the empathy.  So I can never know for sure whether I am on track or off track to be Harvested.  

This is why I am over-intellectualizing on this forum.  I’m asking for the impossible: certainty.

And if we don't make harvest. Oh well. We have all eternity to get this right. Don't sweat it.

I do realize that we have forever.  I like the idea of possibly having to repeat my luxurious, cozy current incarnation - - being born on planet Earth in the 1980s, living a wonderful childhood and adolescence like a prince or king in a city in a prosperous first world country. Being given a second chance at this life - - encountering similar obstacles and overcoming mistakes made in my previous similar life - - would be an opportunity that I’d be very grateful for.  But if forever means that I have to repeat the entire 75,000 year cycle living mostly as a nomadic hunter-gatherer for one thousand lifetimes to only live like a prince in the last one of two incarnations at the end of the 75,000 years, then I’d rather wish to seize the current opportunity to graduate from third to fourth density now in this incarnation and move on.

This is the kind of urgency I’m living with now. 

Thanks for your attention.