10-05-2016, 04:18 PM
I hope you'll get over your embarrassment. Carla always reported that she found herself a poor meditator who could not keep a silent mind very long.
I think the analogy for what you're describing is this: imagine going to the gym and putting weights on the bar. When you lift it, it's really difficult or impossible. Then you ask the gym instructor if you're doing it right.
That's essentially what this is about. It's not natural to sit still with nothing occupying the mind. You have to build the muscle, and the resistance is how you know it's working.
I have a very similar experience where it's easy to grab a few seconds of space, but after that, mental processes kick back in and demand attention. The way I (imperfectly) deal with it is to just acknowledge and release the thoughts, over and over again, until I get some respite. Not push them away, but acknowledge them and let them sort of run their course. This takes patience and time. Sometimes it takes 20 minutes, sometimes I never make it, sometimes it happens quicker. But what I'd recommend keeping in mind is the analogy of exercise, that you are building a muscle of concentration and discipline and it doesn't come easy.
And one more thing: it's ok to have bad meditations! Intent goes a long way.
I think the analogy for what you're describing is this: imagine going to the gym and putting weights on the bar. When you lift it, it's really difficult or impossible. Then you ask the gym instructor if you're doing it right.
That's essentially what this is about. It's not natural to sit still with nothing occupying the mind. You have to build the muscle, and the resistance is how you know it's working.
I have a very similar experience where it's easy to grab a few seconds of space, but after that, mental processes kick back in and demand attention. The way I (imperfectly) deal with it is to just acknowledge and release the thoughts, over and over again, until I get some respite. Not push them away, but acknowledge them and let them sort of run their course. This takes patience and time. Sometimes it takes 20 minutes, sometimes I never make it, sometimes it happens quicker. But what I'd recommend keeping in mind is the analogy of exercise, that you are building a muscle of concentration and discipline and it doesn't come easy.
And one more thing: it's ok to have bad meditations! Intent goes a long way.
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