stream of consciousness writings

[Cyanatta]

A Peculiar Thought.


Sometimes I feel like I come here to escape everyone, just so I can remember what it's like to feel connected to everyone.

I feel seldom understood by others on the outside, and all I want to do is pour out all the ecstatic joy I've bottled up on the inside.

I don't know how to explain the Ra material to the secular minded. 
Or the sectarian.
I don't know how to tell others I'm not religious. I'm not agnostic. I'm not atheist. I'm not spiritual, but I am spiritual. I'm not left or right. I'm not better or worse. I feel and think. I'm not above or below anyone's personal truth. I just am. Devil's advocate. The odd one who thinks it's even. The imbalance always being balanced. I'm Indigo, the wedge driven between the balanced wheel of primary and secondary, so you see the light as a whole, not as six, but seven, not as seven but nothing. As everything. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. Truthfully, I lie. I'm not Indigo. I don't want a label. I just want to be. To be. That's all.

It's like being a drop of water trying to explain to the rest of the drops of water in the ocean how's it completely the same and uniquely different as all the others. We're always changing, always shifting, always calm and violent. Always the same. We're all the same.

No one understands, while everyone understands - Everything, Nothing.

I understand everything, because I am everything.
You understand everything, because you are everything.
We understand everything, because we are everything.
Everything understands everything, because everything is everything.

I understand nothing, because I understand everything.