The service of giving attention to another self

[rva_jeremy]

Yes, Shayne, that is much closer to how I've been approaching this issue. I've been listening to this talk by Pema Chördrön and she just said something that crystalizes it so completely: "to love and care for others, to be able to have the bravery, actually, to feel the pain of other people, to overcome the fear of feeling pain that exists in this world". That is, I feel, at the root here. I get that people think I should be kinder to myself, but if I knew how to kindly extricate myself from these situations, I would do so already! But ultimately, as long as I fear the discomfort, I will not be able to be kind to either myself or another.

This isn't to say that boundaries are not good, but generally speaking I don't think anybody who knows me would describe me as not having boundaries. In fact, I feel these boundaries have been a crutch to prevent me from really feeling the pain of others and therefore benefiting from that aspect of the Creator and providing service. Pain comes and goes; there are no grounds for the decision to attempt to avoid it.

Being aware of when you're giving attention as a gift makes all of this easier to bear. I have a tendency to listen in the mode of "waiting to talk". Being present in the experience of listening, I've realized through reflecting on this conversation thread, actually is not at all the same sense of exploitation which I have felt in the past. But I do think the admonitions here to be gentle with myself is a really good point that I should continue to work with.