06-01-2017, 10:18 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-01-2017, 10:36 AM by The Traveler.)
If you are reading this then I assume you have read the first part and not entirely bored.
The Long Night - An Ocean of Despair
It's April of 2014 and I've resigned from a job in retail of 2 years, I just couldn't take it anymore. If you want to know how trashy and rude the average person is, do a retail job.
I didn't tell my parents I resigned as they would have told me not to, they would have told me to get another job first before leaving but I just couldn't. So 2 months later I get
a job at a printing press, the hours are fine and the pay is better, it seemed like it was going to be ok. Turns out the department manager was a negative and horrible woman
that just oozed sarcasm. Eventually I hated the job, I hated it and didn't have anywhere else to go. It became draining but I smiled and was polite even when she was not.
It's the 2nd of June 2015, the day I came out to my family.
I'm going to meet a guy for the first time and I'm so excited. I'm in my room ironing clothes when my brother asks
where I'm going as I hardly leave the house except to go to work. In that moment I figure that I don't want to keep telling lies every time I want to go out so I just say it: "I'm gay",
my brother replies "Oh, that's cool" which catches me off guard as I was expecting a fight. He then offers to iron my clothes while I go get ready. My brother even lends me
his leather jacket which looked really cool. I told my mom when I came home that night and she cried a bit. Told my sister the next day as I'm closest to her and she kind of figured
as I never really dated in school, she just knew and was totally fine with it. My father sent me a long email saying that he was fine with it and that I be sure that it's who I am.
It's the end of June 2015 and I break it off with the guy that I was dating as I feel we aren't on the same wavelength, he was a nice guy, nothing wrong with him per say but
it felt like he didn't "get" me. You know something is off when you have nothing to talk about because the things you feel and know just go over someones
head or they aren't interested. There's more too it but this is just a summary.
July 27th 2015, the CEO at the printing press I work at calls the staff into the boardroom and tells us that the company is liquidating, he then apologizes that he wont be able to pay us,
so I've worked the whole month for free. He knew that the company was failing but told us at the last moment, as you can imagine the staff and workers where very upset. Some angry
and others crying as they have families to look after and rent to pay. That horrible woman that was my department manager was crying crocodile tears which was interesting, I hugged her
and said goodbye to other staff and left the building, we all left early that day. I was somewhat happy though, I hated that place.
It's also during my time at this job that I would frequently see 11:11.
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It's late 2015 and I begin texting a guy over Skype, we talk for about 2 or 3 weeks. He seems really nice and there was something about him I can't quite put my finger on.
During our talks I find out that he's "been around". At times the way he would talk to me was too sexual for someone you haven't met or even know but I let it slide.
At the time he was 26 and had been in four long term relationships and prior to that 10 to 15 "flings". This info upset me as I liked him, even though we haven't met I felt like we
had a connection.
His past felt wrong to me so I told him I don't want to talk anymore and ended the chat. Later that day I begin realizing that I'm judging him on his past and not allowing him a chance
to prove himself. Long story short, I haven't cried that hard in a very long time. I contacted him again and apologized for judging him however, I still wasn't comfortable as I felt he was
untrustworthy, maybe it was my own insecurities that I was projecting onto him. I apologized but told him I didn't feel comfortable continuing so, I said goodbye and he sent me a sad face
emoticon and I never spoke to him again. (I still think about him sometimes)
Its been 4 months since I lost my job and I'm more depressed than ever. My parents and I have a huge fight because I still haven't found work. I leave the house and spend the day using
the public buses not going anywhere in particular. The feeling in my solar plexus that has been there my whole life is feeling terribly painful now, like I'm being crushed inside.
There was only one other time many years ago that it felt this painful. I arrive home in the evening, get something to eat and go sit in my room, I don't talk to anyone. By 8:30PM I feel
so drained and the pain in my solar plexus isn't going away so I decide to go to bed, I keep thinking how badly I want to die.
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Stay tuned for Part 3
The Long Night - An Ocean of Despair
It's April of 2014 and I've resigned from a job in retail of 2 years, I just couldn't take it anymore. If you want to know how trashy and rude the average person is, do a retail job.
I didn't tell my parents I resigned as they would have told me not to, they would have told me to get another job first before leaving but I just couldn't. So 2 months later I get
a job at a printing press, the hours are fine and the pay is better, it seemed like it was going to be ok. Turns out the department manager was a negative and horrible woman
that just oozed sarcasm. Eventually I hated the job, I hated it and didn't have anywhere else to go. It became draining but I smiled and was polite even when she was not.
It's the 2nd of June 2015, the day I came out to my family.
I'm going to meet a guy for the first time and I'm so excited. I'm in my room ironing clothes when my brother asks
where I'm going as I hardly leave the house except to go to work. In that moment I figure that I don't want to keep telling lies every time I want to go out so I just say it: "I'm gay",
my brother replies "Oh, that's cool" which catches me off guard as I was expecting a fight. He then offers to iron my clothes while I go get ready. My brother even lends me
his leather jacket which looked really cool. I told my mom when I came home that night and she cried a bit. Told my sister the next day as I'm closest to her and she kind of figured
as I never really dated in school, she just knew and was totally fine with it. My father sent me a long email saying that he was fine with it and that I be sure that it's who I am.
It's the end of June 2015 and I break it off with the guy that I was dating as I feel we aren't on the same wavelength, he was a nice guy, nothing wrong with him per say but
it felt like he didn't "get" me. You know something is off when you have nothing to talk about because the things you feel and know just go over someones
head or they aren't interested. There's more too it but this is just a summary.
July 27th 2015, the CEO at the printing press I work at calls the staff into the boardroom and tells us that the company is liquidating, he then apologizes that he wont be able to pay us,
so I've worked the whole month for free. He knew that the company was failing but told us at the last moment, as you can imagine the staff and workers where very upset. Some angry
and others crying as they have families to look after and rent to pay. That horrible woman that was my department manager was crying crocodile tears which was interesting, I hugged her
and said goodbye to other staff and left the building, we all left early that day. I was somewhat happy though, I hated that place.
It's also during my time at this job that I would frequently see 11:11.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's late 2015 and I begin texting a guy over Skype, we talk for about 2 or 3 weeks. He seems really nice and there was something about him I can't quite put my finger on.
During our talks I find out that he's "been around". At times the way he would talk to me was too sexual for someone you haven't met or even know but I let it slide.
At the time he was 26 and had been in four long term relationships and prior to that 10 to 15 "flings". This info upset me as I liked him, even though we haven't met I felt like we
had a connection.
His past felt wrong to me so I told him I don't want to talk anymore and ended the chat. Later that day I begin realizing that I'm judging him on his past and not allowing him a chance
to prove himself. Long story short, I haven't cried that hard in a very long time. I contacted him again and apologized for judging him however, I still wasn't comfortable as I felt he was
untrustworthy, maybe it was my own insecurities that I was projecting onto him. I apologized but told him I didn't feel comfortable continuing so, I said goodbye and he sent me a sad face
emoticon and I never spoke to him again. (I still think about him sometimes)
Its been 4 months since I lost my job and I'm more depressed than ever. My parents and I have a huge fight because I still haven't found work. I leave the house and spend the day using
the public buses not going anywhere in particular. The feeling in my solar plexus that has been there my whole life is feeling terribly painful now, like I'm being crushed inside.
There was only one other time many years ago that it felt this painful. I arrive home in the evening, get something to eat and go sit in my room, I don't talk to anyone. By 8:30PM I feel
so drained and the pain in my solar plexus isn't going away so I decide to go to bed, I keep thinking how badly I want to die.
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Stay tuned for Part 3
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