I need help.... again!

[Glow]

Hey Cainite, Sorry this took so long my internet was acting up this afternoon.
I was going to private message but I want to share this link here.
I think I actually found it here originally but can't recall.
Ted and youtube are down for me but it likely will for others my internet has been iffy.
https://www.ted.com/talks/eleanor_longde...in_my_head

Here is a review of it in the mean time.
http://www.schizlife.com/a-review-of-the...r-longden/

Then I loved this study from Stanford University.
https://news.stanford.edu/2014/07/16/voi...nn-071614/

To sum up the last one very poorly in cultures that teach that the voices are to be feared, the voices or hallucinations are experienced as aggressive and violent, in cultures that teach no such fear the voices and hallucinations are often helpful and even nurturing, generally are recognized as family that passed on.

We could say it has something to do with being programmed with fear but it also could be about resonance. We are taught to be fearful so we attract or meet opportunity for unhealthy energies to meet our frequency.

Either way you are not trapped experiencing your symptoms as a damaging influence. We need to get you out of fear.

I think you also need to be much gentler and push yourself less. You are still in a recovery stage and love would tell you not to take on any more challenges at this time. I might be wrong but I felt you were pushing yourself in a way wanting to make up for lost time, that is kind of fear. If it was a loved one going through this addiction recovery would you have encouraged them to put themselves through what you willingly put yourself through yesterday?

I think your mom obviously loves you but I wish she hadn't heaped even more stress on you by her reaction. I know it wasn't willful but I wish you could forget it because it was not your fault you are doing your best.
You will keep doing your best. I have confidence in you. Just go back to nurturing yourself and get stable before you push yourself out in the world if you can.

Lastly I am going to say yesterday was a messed up day. Try and leave it there. I had my first OCD episode in years yesterday. I was scared I left my hair straightner on(that I didnt use yesterday) so I had to turn around drive a few blocks back to the house so it didnt burn my house down. I knew it was highly unlikely and it felt like my old OCD but I entertained it yesterday. I'm not bringing it into tomorrow, it was just a visitor, but other people seemed pretty crazy in the last week so don't judge, don't fear/ Let every day be its own. YESTERDAY was stupid high pressure I am kinda not surprised it effected you.

Anyways I know I have no first hand knowledge of your experience but I know you are super self aware. I know you are strong, I know you have high vibration people here who love you. Even if this drags you down a bit we arent leaving. I'd like it if you resisted falling into a spiral if you can. We all obvious want to be here for you so lean.    

Thank you and everyone else who's being a great help by being great themselves..

Thanks for the links too, but for me, hallucinations happen at later stages if I get worse and worse. but I never saw anything. I heard voices in my head and thought it was my own mind talking to me in third person had doubts that it's a negative entity as well. I also smelled sth funny for a few weeks in the first/last episode. I will end the episode soon.. hopefully. if I lose awareness during most of the time.. that would be a bad sign.

Saw one of the doctors I used to go to during the last ep last night. asked him to give me sth to calm my nervous system down. hopefully the medications will help. then I went to a drug store to get the medicines and everyone treated me with compassion/pity. I guess they thought I have cancer and have just went through Chemotherapy or something. I just walked straight to a guy but he was ok with it.

This doctor is around my age, a bit older. he's intelligent and gets me. he's also emotionally capable. some doctors that I went to had little to no green ray and a weird second chakra. although they were intelligent and were known as geniuses among many.

I have also written sth on a paper to remind me to be aware of important things to at least tame my other personality. he's very unpredictable and out of control..
I've put a mark on the back of my hand too.. to remind me of that stuff.

You sound a bit better I’m glad. I still would assume such a drastic chemical change such as withdrawal could set your body up for this kind of things to happen. Our bodies react chemically and emotionally to stimulus. The withdrawal plus the social climate where you are plus other things happening in your life is a lot.
Don’t judge yourself.
I think you are handling this really well. So calming the nerves helps eh? I’m going to admit I know very little about each different way the body triggers these things.

I did read while looking for the links that schizophrenia can be trauma induced. I didn’t know that I thought it was a biological thing.

Have you read any of the newer studies that say our emotions change our brain? so what used to be thought as “oh you were born with chemistry a bit off in your brain” is now being seen as the trauma or whatever caused a change in your chemistry which is causing this effect emotionally. The chicken or the egg question all over but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter.

The thing is if brain chemistry can change once it can change again. I think you are doing a great job staying aware and I appreciate you keeping us updated.

I hope you have eaten something healthy today. When the body or mind is stressed gotta nurture it with healthy food, rest and care. Keep us in the loop.
Hope your hand feels better.