1992.6.14 The path of negative and positive

[NegaNova]

Okay so recently I read a small exerpt from Q'uo and it talked about how to deal with the negativie entity's psychic attacks, and how the positive and negative entities go about their path of learning.

http://www.llresearch.org/newsletters/is...994_2.aspx

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So after reading that, my question is... is it a service to self when one seeks the positive polarity in STO in order for personal growth, and the desire to be a better and stronger person? I mean, I want to make others happy and bring love into this world, and if someone asks for help I will want to help them, but part of me knows that I do this because I want to personally become better then I am, and more skilled then I am. And after reading the transcript, it made me wonder, that maybe I'm actually on the STS path and I don't even realize it.

Q'uo says,

Before we leave this topic we would focus once more upon the rich and fertile land of spiritual choice, the dark world within. Each of you gaze within. Do you feel magical? Do you feel powerful? If the answer comes too easily it is likely that there is that within you which would choose the easy way towards power; that is, the path of negativity, for each step upon the negative path seems from within to be positive. One wishes power so that one may help people. The way to help people is to give advice, give teaching, make sure that all is well by controlling various people and circumstances. All these things feel natural and good. Most beginning negative entities have no idea that they are embarking upon the path of negativity. Contrasting with this is the positive path where power is accrued by being the weakest, and true greatness is achieved by being the servant of others, where advice and teaching are given only when requested.

And after I read that, I thought about it.. and honestly, sometimes I DO feel magical, and sometimes I do feel powerful, but does that mean I'm becoming negatively oriented? It's like... I'm really conflicted with what I desire and want, because I just want to be a good person, but I also want to become adept too, even though I realize that I am all things, both negative and positive...
but eff
I'm confused.

...but maybe I'm over-analysing it and I just need to take a break from spiritual seeking or something.

I mean, Q'uo also says,

The positive path is full of shadows, of questions and doubts, of continual learning and balance. The choice for positivity is not the choice for simplicity of early lessons. The choice for negativity is a choice for simplicity of early lessons.

So... maybe this is just what my higher self wants for me right now...
or maybe I need to realize that I am both the positive AND negative oriented entity.

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I don't know.