It's time now to go home

[Ankh]

I can totally see myself throwing my hand up going "OH! PICK ME! PICK ME! EARTH SOUNDS NEAT! I WANNA SEE IT!" Lol.

LOL!!! I could totally see it!!!

I resonated with your experience as well except that I was persuaded by Elderers. I didn't "think things through" either but in different way. I had an abilitity that was really something different and Elderers came to me and wanted my help. I was reluctant to leave my mate, my love, but I followed them because of curiosity to the potential of this abilitity and because of pride that I had this abilitity, since I was just a common member of our societal unity before that abilitity manifested. That abilitity was a powerful tool that no one else had and I didn't know how/in what way. But they did and so I followed them. I had also a low self-esteem, and didn't trust this manifested ability, and this theme goes again in this present life. Low self-esteem, and not trusting myself. Not believing in the Divine because I am not worth that Grand Embracement.

Then I remember we walked through a tunnelsystem underground and I was surrounded by Elderers. They were leading me to headquartes which was some kind of "room" in the heart of this system and there was gates and different time perception. It is dizzy, but somehow time dissappeared there. The last memory was when I got back to my soulmate. To see him was devastating to me, because I din't realize that so much time had gone, that I had been gone for so long. I remember his eyes. His eyes used to be bright like two stars shining on the surface of the ocean, but when I got back and saw them, that brightness, that light was gone and they were pale. He was sad and tired, and I saw emptiness in his eyes instead. The last I remember is his words – "It's been too long". He kept repeating it "It's been too long".

Who knows, maybe it was school of Gods. We were practicing before we incarnated here. This happening here in manifested physical illusion, and I need to remember, to not go on some kind of "mission" and not to forget the very true existence in front of you, the love shining through eyes of the Creator standing next to you?

The interesting part is that I remembered my pre-incarnative choice, the Duty. I remembered yesterday. My blue ray center was activated almost the whole day yesterday and I was coughing my lungs out until I almost threw up. I am not a bit sick or having any kind of cold, but my throat feels still some kind of pain. I am still not sure of how to proceed with it all. The balancing part is very hard. I want to dedicate myself completly to service to others, but what happens then? Maybe I am aiming too high? Maybe I am not? Who knows...

You wrote "It has been hard to forgive myself for this youthful foolishness, though I suppose it has been an interesting lesson."
What exactly happened to you? Probably we were all foolish and naive incarnating here thinking we would do some measurable difference that we could see and touch with our physical senses. But Brothers and Sisters of Sorrow is a bunch of masochists who throw ourselves off the cliffs without thinking it through. We just trust that we will learn to fly while still falling and grow our wings by Faith before we crash ourselves to death.

Basically, though, I'm not going to say I think you should go home or stay here. That is a decision that you have to make for yourself. I would just say to consider all your options, and make the decision out of the very core of your heart, and without shame. Only you can decide what is best for your soul.

I want to go home. Oh God knows how much! But I won't leave my family and friends and everybody else who needs me here. My family above all. I think that I could go home now, if I really wanted it. And I do! I do! But not now. I won't leave until all incarnations has come to a natural end here. And if I am lucky maybe I will have the honour to take some of my Brothers and Sisters of Earth and watch them to pass through the Gates Of Love, ie 4D.

What is best for my soul? I want to go home right now, but I will suffer too much if I leave right now and leave everybody. I need to stay but it also means that I have to suffer. It is hard here for my soul and that's why I want to go home. There is too much disharmony and pain here. None of these options suits me. So it has to be the third one. What would that be?

Nabil, fairyfarmgirl and others – I know that Ra stated somewhere that if the Self is crystallized then the whole Universe becomes home. Maybe I am not there yet, maybe we all are different and some will find their place within whole Universe, and others in specific vibrations? I don't know. My "home" is not a specific place, but it might be. My "home" is my "family", my sisters and brothers of the origin who vibrates in same way. I might wander around the Milky Way and discover different rays and vibrations of our Logo, but I still want to go back to my "own" vibrations. I see it like a jar of balls of different colours that broke and mixed up. We all trying to know ourselves and each other, but I still belong with the blue ones and not the red ones, thought we are all the same balls. It is not the place, it is the specific vibrations, the ones that we might refer to as "true brothers and sisters of the origin" in this density. But I maybe worng, and in that case I have to admit that I am not cristalized yet.

Solitary – Thank you, brother, for your post! I smiled and laughed and felt suffer through it all. It was a beautiful saga that I will chew on.