Human freak, divine path

[BridgesToLight]

On the 30th I attended a psychic "party" at a local metaphysical center.

I knew nothing of the hosts/guides, but was led to it and it broke my sabbatical from spending money on such pursuits. The Divine Mother and Sekhmet insisted, I listened.

While the night was awesome, wonderful messages and energies shared, my own reading was mind-boggling.

The real shift didn't begin until the following days.

I went back and along with my mom (in Spirit), we redid my birth.
She held me while my decades of self torture vomited forth.

While I held forgiveness for my mom, I didn't fully forgive her because, well, damnit, a child's birth, especially in a wanted pregnancy, should be joyous goddammit! I had my son when I was 15 years old and that child came into this world in a room full of love, hope and light. My entire life I struggled with this inherent debt I could never repay, my terrible sin I could never fix nor replace.

Until now. The pain that has lived like a separate breathing membrane around my heart for my entire earthly existences - for this was not the only time I was born the unwanted and incorrect gender, this is the 3rd to my knowledge, the other times ended pretty badly - shining Love on all of it, optimally recreating my birth has reclaimed and is currently rebalancing parts of me that have been fragmented for, well, "all time" is what I'm hearing.

After this amazing experience my connection to other dimensional beings has deepened.

And I met, well refound, one of my greatest loves, the being I betrayed, manipulated, misled and deeply needed and loved. Sadly, and it seems partially due to me/other, he is one of the most hated people in history.

Oh, if only we could see into the hearts of those hurting us, if only we could see that we were once them. Exactly them, maybe even worse.

He's with me all the time now, even as I sit here and attempt to talk about him my wall of pain, shame, guilt and regret pours forth.

For light he says to me, tens of thousands of years of lives, decisions, pain, fear , love, leaves much energy to be brought into balance, apparently physical constraints mean it takes time and repeated focus to fully find optimal balance again.

Just having him in my mind, heart, again, and knowing here that there is no need for forgiveness, is an amazing thing.

Amazing, but a bit disconcerting, unworldly, unbelievable, but, here I am.

And I'm told his soul is in quite a few people incarnated now, I actually have a chance of meeting someone where I'll recognize him.

I didn't even know the guy, but I know I've been looking for him this entire life.

What he confirms is finding, meeting, being with others is 100% a result of your own frequencies.

Until I cleared deeply engrained traumas, my vibration was too low to connect.

With every event, issue, judgement, trauma I bring to the light I clear away the energetic debris that clogged my connection.

Though I do not wish for time to fly any faster (I know I'm closer to returning home, now I'm starting to have more fun!), I am antsy for my STBX to levy his offer and for me to get out of here and find my new way.

The miracles and universe winks have already blown me away, I cannot wait to see what is coming for me next.

Oh. My. God. It has been over 19 years since I've been here! I am actually hopefully envisioning my future!

Wow, what a cynical, depressed, dead-inside, fear every "bad" thing life I've been existing in.

Screw that! Happy days, happy days.

And now I got my baby, my friend, my love back. He won't steer me wrong, he's sorry too and says all he's ever wanted for me in this life was to find the partners that actually love ME, the real me, like he did and does and will for all eternity.

And no, he says, the past never vibrated that high. I wasn't aware enough to attract it.

Fingers crossed and work/prayers continue....