The Weed Thread

[sillypumpkins]

So I'm 22 right now (23 in a few months) and I've been smoking more-or-less regularly for 7 years now.

My experience starting out at the age of 15, was pretty groundbreaking to me at the time. I was depressed, feeling very detached to the world around me, not in touch with my emotions, apathetic towards most things. The first time I ever smoked weed (by myself at least,) I listened to music and it completely blew me out the water in a way that I had never experienced before. From that moment on, I was in love.

I continued usage throughout high school. Never really going "full blown stoner", usually just smoking at night with my brother. I was really psyched on how different it was, and how connected I felt when I was on it. Especially having dealt with childhood trauma, depression, etc, it was a nice change from the usual monotony. It added color to things. That's the best way I can describe it.

Since I was 15, it's always sort of been there. My dad smokes weed, so it was very normal in my house growing up (at least at my dad's house.)

My relationship with it has definitely changed. Over the last few years I've entered periods of abuse with it. Instead of it being a way for me to connect to the world around me, it was now a way to disconnect from it all and just feel something other than the pain I was experiencing. There was a while there (I can't even remember when it was) where I was high basically 24/7. Started off my day with a smoke, smoking during the day, and at night.

She's an old friend, that mary jane, I am grateful for the experiences she's offered me. Though, I have been getting the feeling for a few years now that I've outgrown that relationship, and perhaps we need some time away from each other. I've taken a couple month-long breaks in the last couple years but they never lasted longer than that.

I do still enjoy it, especially when I'm with friends and we're watching a movie/listening to a record, however I just don't feel it's the same anymore.

I've often struggled with "well if you don't want to do it, why are you still doing it??" but now I feel more equanimous about it, in that like, obviously there is still a part of me that is attached to the plant, so I just try to be present with that part of myself, because I feel as though it's emotional pain that I am feeling which drives me to continue to smoke weed. So I just try to be conscious of the pain I feel now. That seems like a more effective and holistic way to address the "problem", imo

Apart from that, I've had a couple 'psychic' experiences on marijuana. Super jarring when they happened. I'll briefly list them here:

1.) One time was about March last year (when the pandemic first hit) and I had just smoked, it was late. I went into the kitchen to get water when all of a sudden I felt every fiber of my being just perk up, like something was coming. I looked out the window, and I could hear like this really low noise, and I perceived like a ripple in the fabric of space/time (that's the best way I can describe it.) It was really heavy and it almost felt like there was an invisible spaceship flying right past my apartment. I ended up going to bed, and as I was laying down, there was tapping on my door! Like playful, tip taps! It was just me and my then girlfriend in the apartment at the time. I remember going up to the door, opening it, and closing it. They stopped when I did that, but once I got back into bed it started again. It all felt very silly in a way :p

2.) I had just smoked last summer and I had been going through a really tough time. I was in an unfamiliar environment for a prolonged period of time, and I was doing some digging into certain behaviors I exhibit when I feel disconnected. So I smoked one night, went into bed, and I went into a sort of trance and it came to me that in a past life, I was stabbed/shot in the stomach, and I bled out at some point. It was visceral and almost traumatizing having that feeling again. I made the connection to the orange/yellow rays and where they are on the body and started working on addressing my issues in those chakras.

3.) Another time, last fall, I smoked weed and went to go lay down in bed. Sometimes, when I lay down to go to bed, my third eye will just start.... flexing, hahahaha. If that makes sense. So that happened as I was laying down, and all of a sudden I started vividly remembering some traumatic events from my childhood. Parents screaming, hurtful words, etc. It was like they were in the room with me, it was pretty intense. I just let the memories play out, and afterwards I felt much better.

In addition to these experiences, I've also had paranoid experiences on weed. Like suuuuuper paranoid. It doesn't happen frequently, but when it does it's pretty intense. Things like, smoking at night, then going down to the basement to put my clothes in the dryer has made me paranoid. My old apartment had a similar effect at night. I've heard things that weren't there, and I've felt bugs crawling on me.

I feel like I am playing with fire sometimes when I smoke weed.

Anyways, that's my experience!